Sunday, June 27, 2010

Death: A Tale Too Tall To Tell (MySpace 6.5.07)

Death to me is a reoccurring character in my life. He haunts me, yet watches me as well, out of curiosity as of what will happen next. Kinda like "Meet Joe Black." He acts as a telepathic voice of reason that echoes in me, reverberates. If I keep things interesting for death, he leaves me alone. I would hate to see what would happen if I bored death. He will give me that inevitable bony finger up my ass. Pardon my French.

Death is perverted, kinda. He might be French as well.

Bad AT-AT. Bad.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Bear Butt Plug

Just before bears begin to hibernate they eat a lot of grass and leaves. Substances that don't digest easily. This forms a pulpy mass that lodges in their sphincter in order to prevent them from soiling themself and their nest during the long months of hibernation. In the spring the plug is removed and .... a disgusting part of nature takes its course.

Saddam Hussein was Iraq's buttplug. He was an ugly disgusting thing holding back something even worse. But some people decided that the plug needed to be removed because it was a disgusting thing. And now America has bear shit all over it. With Saddam gone we suddenly found ourselves trying to cram our own soldiers into the breech to stem the flow of excrement. But thats not the way it works. So we sit there trying to cram our soldiers into the hole all the while being covered in more and more effluence.

-user Az from, posted as 2. The bear buttplug analogy (Fri Jan-05-07 07:39 AM)

Friday, June 25, 2010

King Carl - Episode 1: The Medicine

Today's episode is the first of a series of podcasts I did with good friend, Carl Kimble. Easily, Carl is one of the most interesting people I know and you are about to find out why as he transmits tales of vision quests, growing weed in the 1970's and just basically telling it like it was and continues to be...
ipod Download Link:

Missouri Flat Bridge
Today's version of Carl with Ratfink
Yesterday's version of Carl with Fugi
Some of Carl's best inebriated art
Carl's goon-too-soon friend Richard

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Batz (MySpace 7.4.07)

I've been meditating for almost 3 years, on a semi-regular basis. The benefits are rewarding and challenging (I'll know why it's challenging in the future). They recently did brain scans of people who meditate and found that they are more in tune with their negative emotional states—being able to overcome these states and giving their head trips a name.

Enter batz…

I was watching one of my favorite shows on Discovery called "Dirty Jobs." I love the host/social commentator extraordinaire Mike Rowe. He was watching thousands of batz exiting a cave with some anthropologist. Mike called them "winged Visigoths." ANYWAYS, they talked about the natural phenomenon of the bats' ability to fly so close, yet never touch one another. My mind feels like that when all is going well with the world. When the buggers collide and fall, well then, to be extremely cliché, Houston we have a problem.

When I feel my mind going crazy these daze, crazy from doubt, crazy from the unknown, crazy from the heat and crazy from jealousy—I say the mantra "batz," to prevent myself from going…well, batz (subsequently, batz is also am excerpt from my second novel's title). It kind of works, maybe someday I will master my mind and body, and get them to do what my ghost spirit requires of the three of us. Until then, I repeat my non sequitur of choice at my television as I watch Mike Rowe help a man get a boar's penis in a pipe/boar pocket pussy.

Ain't life grand?

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Grey Matter Area (MySpace 11.4.06)

Free will is a joke! And pre-destiny is the lacadazical unconsciousness of my future self that plays me like a video game in a karmatic war of the worlds. The only time I truly feel I have free will is when I don't listen to my conscience voice (the future self manifested)—usually when I'm liquored up on appropriate elixirs of the demons. But usually my conscience voice tells me how stupid my decisions were. Free will exists only when we are inebriated is what I'm trying to say—and your decisions are not really your own. You're either a good person, or a bad person—and only those with this conscience knowledge are a step ahead of those sheep that prance around the farm unaware that they are puppets of the apocalypse.

New Band Name: "Puppets of the Apocalypse"

The smart ones see their strings and know that they can do nothing about this free will dilemma that has perplexed us since early man took psilocybin in damp caves of African winter.

I'm officially giving into my future self—he knows better than father or God.

Coolness Personified.

Your 1994 Woodlake Tigers

Riders on the Storm

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

I'm Sailing Away (MySpace 12.11.07)

(originally written on November 27, 2007)

I the last time I heard wind like the devils whipping outside my window tonight, I was living in Omaha, NE.

Now I'm in Sacramento and the roommate and I are convinced there is a ghost in our midst. I even see the imprints of human body parts on the sliding glass door, like Han Solo attempting to escape his carbon freeze encasing. At first I thought the roommate had a hot date when I went home for Thanksgiving and forgot to clean up before her orgasm'd hit the pillow, forgetting herself and her actions the next morning. And maybe Band of Horses is right about "a ghost in my house."

Two weeks prior, I could have sworn that I saw lip prints on my laptop screen. Then I thought, what a hot prospect--living with a female ghost who's cool enough to kiss my window to the superhighway.

Yesterday, I awoke to the sound of glass breaking in the kitchen. Roommate already at work., so it must have been Bella (my pet name for my sultry ghost). And there I was naked, bent over sweeping glass onto a Rolling Stone with Kid Rock on the cover--boy, do I live a charmed American life, or what?

If Bella continues to haunt my haunt, she's cool. I think she knew the Omaha wind was coming for her tonight. Ghosts ride the winds. I bet you didn't know that. And if you listen closely, you can hear them sing old Stix songs when you sleep.

"Come sail away. Come sail away with me."

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Glad He Ate Her (MySpace 12.14.08)

So anyways...I watched the new and improved American Gladiators tonight. Now, I loved the old skool show, it was a dumb extension to the WWF (oxymoron?), but entertaining nonetheless. The thing I like about the new one is that it didn't try to improve on the osky wosky, it just added water.

The new Gladiators are hilarious. There's this guy Wolf who looks like Geezer Butler had he been indited in the Mitchell Report. And the lillywhite champion, Titan--who looks like the all-American Flash Gordon--yet another reason why the terrorists hate us.

It speaks volumes about our Roman-esque culture, letting our guard down so that the barbarians at the gate (Mexico?) can sneak in. Not only that, it perpetuates stereotypes such as brothers can't swim and white trash believe that winning a bunch of money will fix all their white trash problems.

The revolution will not be televised, but the downfall of western civilization will--hosted by none other than the Hulkster and Cassius Clay's baby gurl.

Batman: City of Scars

Friday, June 18, 2010


In today's podcast, I talk with Judo Jason as he gives me the lowdown on all his California antics, which includes: totaling a grip of Cadillacs, settling scores with strippers, an epic car breakdown in Anaheim, the subtle art of couch-surfing, getting into wrestling matches with his Jamaican roommate, violent hacking, applying for a cannabis card, and Lakers history. Strap in, you cunts.
Patient Card.
The Allanté.
Starter Laker Jacket Jason wore for Game 7 of the 2002 Western Finals.

"Fuck this...working-my-ass-off shit!"

Just cuz...

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Get Him a Bodybag--Yeah!!!

The Jackie Chan/Jaden Smith Karate Kid raked in $56 million this weekend. But money can't buy the power and emotion of the best scene in the original picture. Enjoy!

Wait for it...

Friday, June 11, 2010

Charles Chaplin was a Utopian!

Rush: Beyond the Lighted Stage

I will see this.

Was Darth Vader Mentally Ill?

In a news bulletin that has stunned an unbelieving world, a team of French psychiatrists and psychologists have released a detailed study in which they claim that legendary Sith Lord Darth Vader was, in fact, mentally ill.

According to ABC, their report, which was recently published in the medical journal Psychiatry Research, concludes that young Anakin Skywalker exhibited behavior that is consistent with borderline personality disorder, which may in turn explain his decision to embrace the dark side and become Emperor Palpatine's apprentice.

Needless to say, this bombshell has rocked the mental health community, with American experts immediately disputing the claims, and not just on the grounds thatGeorge Lucas characters have never before been accused of having personalities.

"Anakin shows borderline traits, but these do not persist into his adulthood," UCLA psychiatrist Dr. H. Eric Bender said. "It's important to note that any person, when put in highly stressful situations, may display certain traits, such as impulsivity, which are associated with borderline personality disorder." The paper, he said, failed to prove that Skywalker had "enduring and maladaptive patterns" over the course of his entire lifetime, which would be necessary to adopt a formal diagnosis.

Dr. Sue Varma, assistant professor of psychiatry at the NYU Langone School of Medicine, agrees.

"Teenagers are impulsive and can practice risky behavior," she said. "They are trying to find out who they are and in playing around with identities, they show characteristics similar to borderline. But this is not enough for a diagnosis. Most teens come out the other side by their 20s."

What side they come out on, however, doesn't determine whether or not they were mentally ill. In other words: Vader may not have been sick, he might just have been a giant a-hole.

For now, then, the debate rages on. But with some of the finest minds on both sides of the Atlantic working on the issue, rest assured that at some point, the truth behind Skywalker's transformation to Vader will finally be revealed once and for all. And that's the important thing.

Because if we can prevent just one Padawan from embracing the dark side, it will all be worth it.

Scott Harris


Thursday, June 10, 2010

Captain and Drewsus: Live from Folsom Prison

The Captain returns...or rather I returned to my old stomping grounds in North-country for the first episode we did live at the Kahn Manor in Folsom, CA. We talk top 5 Grunge songs and dissect the cult film "The Room." Be warned, hilarity ensues...

ipod Download Link:

Kurdt hanging with Grandpa Joe.
Old Skool AIC shirt that triggers Vietnam flashbacks.

Come together with your hands.

Best Scene in "The Room."

Friday, June 4, 2010

Podcast: Cruel Shoes

Today's podcast is a mixed bag, admittedly. I talk about my summer project, the further mining of my childhood, Armageddon, and the drumming styles of Stevland Hardaway Judkin. Welcome to the smoke monster's rabbit hole.

ipod Download Link:

Article on Futuristic mega-projects:

I'm talking about the Road...
Steve Martin's strange and obscure book

R.I.P. Jeriome Robertson

I went to Junior High with Jeriome back in the early 90's--he was a great pitcher even then. If it wasn't for Roger Clemens and Andy Petite, he would probably still be pitching. It's a tragedy when someone dies young--especially when you knew the person.