Jaws in Life

Quick post. This is an old skool Jaws pic--circa 1980-82?--from the Universal Lot tour near Hollywood. It's so neat to see unrealistic animatronics--it adds to the mystique of how fake things like this are. It's kind of like that scene in "Stand By Me" where the kids see that the dog Chopper (SICK BALLS!) isn't what the urban legend promised it to be. You can see why this chick is scared in the video below--even though she knows the fish isn't real.



PS- For the few of you that read this blog, thank you. If I don't know you personally--thank you more. I have some irons in the fire--my creative group, Sardonikus Rexicon, will be collaborating using individual blogs which will lead to podcasts and maybe some video in the future. So if you like this vibe, check out the blog links listed in the side bar that I had dubbed "sardonikus blogikon." These guys are my compatriots and they need the support to christen this pirate ship. So stick with us and tell a friend if you're a fan of creative fiction on the vanguard of stretching the written word beyond mere pages in a book. Hit me up on Facebook and leave me a note--tell me that "Sardonikus Rules!" and I'll add you.


http://www.facebook.com/people/Drew-A-Stutsman/510522629

The Truth About Cows

I'm trying to make sense of it all...

Is it just me--or has this country gone collectively insane. I feel as if that zombies with telepathy have taken our brains hostage since Nixon was sworn in and that our parents are the new Grunge rockers when it comes to money. This makes sense to only me.

My question is...why in the fuck should I care anymore. Notice that was a statement? I dunno, the weirdness that is these days of Obama is hard to process. What is good and what is bad? Vice-versa? Those were intended to be questions.

I think we're heading towards a golden age, myself. A world were health care is free, fruits and vegetables are more readily available than crack-cocaine, heavy metal is taught in schools, people rider bikes instead of Hummers, Trader Joe's is the number one retailer (and they start selling pot), and people ingest Sardonikis stories via their iPods.

I don't mean to get all hippie on you, my darling guppies--but someone must. It's time to wake-up from this dystopian slumber and look at the Brave New World right in its beady third eye and spit in it.

Go Good

Bobby Jindal insults my intelligence.

After a pretty good speech from the President (still think this stimulus thing is a coin flip--more on that after I finish ripping into this Jindal cat), the Republican sunk lower than ever by selecting a rebuttal from a man who appeared to be doing an impersonation of Mister Rodgers (at least I hope so). His sing-songy voice was that of a Kindergarten teacher giving a lecture on "Why being an American is so greeaaat!"

He lost me when he started comparing the journey of his immigrant parents to that of Obama's. Why do you have to compare yourself to the man you're refuting? What is that? And how does this Jindal asshole represent the Republican party? As a figurehead of fodder for Jon Stewart? I think I have an idea.

When McCain choose Palin as a running mate, the Republican party was re energized with a feeling that they could match the diversity of the Democrats--Palin was supposed to be the GOP version of Hilary. Sadly, we found out what she truly was, an Alaskan dullard who has no real sense of herself.

As I listened to Jindal make a mockery of his party by sounding like some sort of tour guide for "It's a Small World," I actually found myself becoming nostalgic for an over-the-top Palin speech in Missouri, clucking at the flock of sheep who know not that their intelligence (or lack thereof) is being insulted.

Apparently, the GOP is scraping at the bottom of the barrel. Obama has won over a lot of the party's alpha dogs and the only way they can keep up, in their world view, is by employing a device the Democrats have mastered--diversity.

That being said, we have people like Palin, Jindal and and the new chairman Michael Steele rearranging the deckchairs on the Titanic. Obviously, they are just face people who have no substance who are just megalomaniacal sell-outs who are driven more by their narcissism than what they are paid to do. They suck Satan's cock, to put it colloquially. They are chosen because of what they look like, to show racial and sexual diversity. This, in my opinion, is on the lowest branch of racism.

Can't the Republicans go away for awhile and regroup and restructure their ideology? Do we have to have a rebuttal right now? This is why the political game is ultimately an adolescent one. The other party needs to be on the defensive and say the opposite (even if the opposite sounds like it's coming from an Middle Eastern immigrant voiced by Jim Henson) so they can point back to what they said if and when something fails. Do we really need this shit anymore? I don't. Quite frankly, I'm sick of this mutherfucking bullshit from both sides of the aisle. At the end of the day, a bunch of Republicans being right doesn't equal jobs and mortgage credit. It equals nothing but the same old pomp and circumstance my generation never understood in the first place.

Obama's stimulus might not work. But it might work, too. Even top economists say that ultimately, it's all all in how the money is spent. This is where it could go bad...or it could go good. And that's how I'd like to see this thing go--what's the alternative if we don't start looking at it this way? Keep spending monopoly money and listen to guys like Jindal lull me to sleep with his condescending Kermit impression until we really go broke and we hand over the reigns to a nationalized banking system that will make this place even more of a bummer. To me, that's real socialism--and I could do without it.

Get it on, Ace Man!!

Dear Rotten Denmark,

I'm a heap--a heap of tears, I tell ya! The Ace Man has been ousted from the terrestrial airwaves, rather suddenly. I learned about it on Wednesday--the economic downturn has affected my favorite morning radio show, The Adam Carolla Show is no more.

Those of you that know me, know that I don't obsess about much outside the realm of Pink Floyd and Bret Ellis novels. Another thing that I obsess about is the radio career of one Adam Lakers Carolla. He is by far the smartest voice in radio...and maybe the world.

But fear not, RD--the Ace Man has a plan B. Starting this Monday, his first podcast will be available at www.carollaradio.com and I encourage everyone from the sound of my voice to give it a listen.

I felt I had to do my part--to extend the olive branch, if you will--to you, the little people, my fair readers. There are few sane voices left in this downward spiral we call America. I find hope in humor, not a stimulus package that will redefine socialistic pedagogy.

Get it on indeed!

Your humble narrator,

D-tothe-A

Tops of the Pops

1. Deadsy - Commencement--This album influenced my novel more than any other. It got lumped into the "Nu-Metal" category rather unfairly.

2. Alice in Chains - Dirt-- The first one my mom took away from me in HS--my introduction to devil music.

3. Pink Floyd - Darkside of the Moon--Best ever. To be fair, I didn't want to double up to get variety on this list--but every album after Meddle (Wall, Animals, Wish You Were Here) are all superior albums--best streak in Rock history in my opinion.

4. Nirvana - In Utero--Nevermind was good, but uneven. In Utero added a little fuzz and Steve Albini, pretentious as the bloke is, did a damn good job "recording" Cobain's last album.

5. Interpol - Turn on the Bright Lights--This album summed up what it meant to live in a post-9/11 world.

6...And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead - Madonna--This is and the Source Tags and Codes album are the closest thing any American group has done to mirror the Pink Floyd aesthetic.

7. Tool - Aenima--A successful prog album in the days of Bush and 311.

8. Blur - Blur--Cut the brit-pop out of their act like a gangrene arm with a darker, indie feel.

9. Failure - Fantastic Planet--Saw these guys open for Tool not long after Aenima came out. Best two albums of the late nineties--but I think I like this one a little better.

10. Deftones - Around the Fur--To be truthful, White Pony is probably superior, but this one got me through summer-skool statistics.

11. Beck - Mellow Gold--Better than Odelay. Loser is effed out!

12. Fleetwood Mac - Rumours--Probably the most perfect album ever recorded.

13. Led Zeppelin - IV, Zoso, 4 Symbols - Led at their tipping point.

14. Anthrax - Sound of White Noise--Best metal album ever! Yeah, I said it.

15. Television - Marque Moon--Epic post-punk. If Genesis had sex with Joy Division, this band would be the prodigal offspring.

16. Guns N' Roses - Appetite for Destruction--Best.Album.of.the.80's.

17. The Rise And Fall Of Ziggy Stardust--David Bowie dressed up like a geisha from Ursa Major and sang his little heart out on this one.

18. Pixies - Doolittle--Second best album of the 80's.

19. Radiohead - Kid A--The album that predicted 9/11?
http://vassifer.blogs.com/alexinnyc/2005/07/klostermans_the.html

20. King of Leon--Because of the Times--This one will always remind me of grad skool, Trader Joe's and LO'L.

Part IV: The New American Hero

As I watch this evening's edition of 60 minutes, I am in awe of a man who is humble, eloquent, intelligent and cuts through the bull shit like a hot butter knife.

On January 15 of this year, Chelsey Burnett "Sully" Sullenberger III became the antithesis of a widow-maker. He showed the world his brass balls by successfully laying US Airways Flight 1549 in the Hudson River without causality. Since that day, Captain Sullenberger has enjoyed the Inauguration of President Obama, Super Bowl XLIII, an exclusive interview on 60 Minutes and the creation of his very own Wikipedia page--all in the span of 3 weeks. Boy, do we live in an accelerated society or what.

And if we didn't like Capt. Sully enough, a news story popped up this last week that he called the Fresno State library and confessed that a book he checked out (a book about professional ethics, the guy can't miss) might have a new home at the bottom of the Hudson River. The library forgave any late fees and decided to dedicate the book's replacement to him (and while yer at it FS, name the entire wing of the library after him).

It's rare to have heroes again--and it's something we must embrace and hold high above these other stories of gloom/doom, if-it-bleeds-it-leads media coverage. He said the perfect thing to Couric, that he won't embrace heroism, but he won't deny it either. Goddamn! The man do no wrong.

Sully trumps 'em all. He trumps the passenger on his plane who wasn't satisfied with the settlement from US Airways and is suing the company because he "doesn't feel whole." He trumps the passenger that is taking advantage of her 15 minutes by recording a song about the incident. He trumps Christian Bale's sailor-mouth. He trumps Shane Hurlbut's lack of professionalism. He trumps Nadya Suleman for reasons that are obvious. He even trumps Micheal Phelps because in the end, Sully saved 155 people and inspired a nation to embrace good news again.

And that is a good thing.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
That ends my weekend-long evaluation of our Brave New World. What I learned is that just when it looks as if we're going down the crapper as a society, things right themselves, eventually. I hope that Christian Bale gets some help for the demons that haunt him. He's made some really good movies in a climate where there is nothing but diarrhea coming out of Hollywood's arse. I hope that Nadya Suleman gets forced into treatment and all her children are put up for adoption and end up in good homes. I hope that the Michael Phelps ordeal turns into a new dialogue on why drug laws are as archaic as the attitudes towards gay marriage--to evolve we must advance...

And finally, in Captain Sully, I learned that humility is not a lost quality in America--it's just forgotten. All of us could learn a thing or two from this man's sense of doing the right thing before doing the "me thing."

This Obama world is getting weird...