OutFOXed

This is why I like Britain. You can stand up in Parliament and hand the PM his ass in front of all the elected officials. Imagine if a freshman in Congress stood up and slammed Obama in the House and all our silvery leader, made of Pittsburgh steel and unicorn blood, could do was sit there and drink in such vitriol like the Mad Hater at a tea party.

Now he's a Fox News darling (shock! awe!) because he has grit and balls--two things the Republicans don't have. Plus, he's foreign--so nobody in our country knows who he is. I love how this shit blows up in the network's face, though. In an interview with Neil Cavuto, Daniel Hannan said out of all the people that ran for president, he would have voted for Ron Paul if he was a citizen. Cavuto has this huge look of surprise on his fat fuggin' soup cooler when he said that. Let us rewind the big Fox machine to the Fall of '07.



Fox has clearly lost it's way, and rightfully so. They have no identity and they are desperately clinging to relevancy that wasn't really there to begin with. Now they have dudes like Glen Beck (who cribs Alex Jones and dumbs it down for all the apparent Kindergartners who watch his afternoon show), who is about as informative as a dixie cup. Now that Murdoch and company are starting to see the Libertarian movement come out of the woodwork with all these potheads and anti-theists (in same cases, all three of these qualities exist in a once silent majority), he's starting to see a movement--which means money in the of salvation for his network as it slowly ozzes to center-right with a format flip.

I'm not letting these hypocrites get off so easy.

Utopia Gardens.

Speaking of gardens--my mom, in her conspiracy-possessed paranoia put the pressure on the old man to use his ag pedagogy and free time to create a masterpiece. At least I'll have somewhere to go when the police state descends.







Come get me coppers! I'll be the one in a hemp onesy, shooting blowdarts dipped in brown recluse poison your way--all to the tune of Mastodon's new album.

We aren't the hippies of old--pushing daisies down your gun barrels. We grew up on heavy metal and G.I. Joe. My generation is the sleeping dragon and the curtain is being drawn on hibernation season.

We are neo-hippies!

Shitty Bank.

I thought they were losing money by the millions--yet they have money to lone me as a form of credit. I may be moneytarded, but even I find this ridiculous.


I ripped it up and threw it in the trash after this picture was taken. Credit is a ghost that haunts our souls, unseen yet felt. I'm gonna move into tent city at Cal Expo--bath in the American River and grow a utopia garden.

We don't have to live the lives they make us...

MASTODON!

I'll always remember Maston's 2009 album, "Crack the Skye"--the day I saw a dog get obliterated by a big ass Ford F-350 on 198 near Uncle Dave's.

Jaws in Life

Quick post. This is an old skool Jaws pic--circa 1980-82?--from the Universal Lot tour near Hollywood. It's so neat to see unrealistic animatronics--it adds to the mystique of how fake things like this are. It's kind of like that scene in "Stand By Me" where the kids see that the dog Chopper (SICK BALLS!) isn't what the urban legend promised it to be. You can see why this chick is scared in the video below--even though she knows the fish isn't real.



PS- For the few of you that read this blog, thank you. If I don't know you personally--thank you more. I have some irons in the fire--my creative group, Sardonikus Rexicon, will be collaborating using individual blogs which will lead to podcasts and maybe some video in the future. So if you like this vibe, check out the blog links listed in the side bar that I had dubbed "sardonikus blogikon." These guys are my compatriots and they need the support to christen this pirate ship. So stick with us and tell a friend if you're a fan of creative fiction on the vanguard of stretching the written word beyond mere pages in a book. Hit me up on Facebook and leave me a note--tell me that "Sardonikus Rules!" and I'll add you.


http://www.facebook.com/people/Drew-A-Stutsman/510522629

The Truth About Cows

I'm trying to make sense of it all...

Is it just me--or has this country gone collectively insane. I feel as if that zombies with telepathy have taken our brains hostage since Nixon was sworn in and that our parents are the new Grunge rockers when it comes to money. This makes sense to only me.

My question is...why in the fuck should I care anymore. Notice that was a statement? I dunno, the weirdness that is these days of Obama is hard to process. What is good and what is bad? Vice-versa? Those were intended to be questions.

I think we're heading towards a golden age, myself. A world were health care is free, fruits and vegetables are more readily available than crack-cocaine, heavy metal is taught in schools, people rider bikes instead of Hummers, Trader Joe's is the number one retailer (and they start selling pot), and people ingest Sardonikis stories via their iPods.

I don't mean to get all hippie on you, my darling guppies--but someone must. It's time to wake-up from this dystopian slumber and look at the Brave New World right in its beady third eye and spit in it.

Go Good

Bobby Jindal insults my intelligence.

After a pretty good speech from the President (still think this stimulus thing is a coin flip--more on that after I finish ripping into this Jindal cat), the Republican sunk lower than ever by selecting a rebuttal from a man who appeared to be doing an impersonation of Mister Rodgers (at least I hope so). His sing-songy voice was that of a Kindergarten teacher giving a lecture on "Why being an American is so greeaaat!"

He lost me when he started comparing the journey of his immigrant parents to that of Obama's. Why do you have to compare yourself to the man you're refuting? What is that? And how does this Jindal asshole represent the Republican party? As a figurehead of fodder for Jon Stewart? I think I have an idea.

When McCain choose Palin as a running mate, the Republican party was re energized with a feeling that they could match the diversity of the Democrats--Palin was supposed to be the GOP version of Hilary. Sadly, we found out what she truly was, an Alaskan dullard who has no real sense of herself.

As I listened to Jindal make a mockery of his party by sounding like some sort of tour guide for "It's a Small World," I actually found myself becoming nostalgic for an over-the-top Palin speech in Missouri, clucking at the flock of sheep who know not that their intelligence (or lack thereof) is being insulted.

Apparently, the GOP is scraping at the bottom of the barrel. Obama has won over a lot of the party's alpha dogs and the only way they can keep up, in their world view, is by employing a device the Democrats have mastered--diversity.

That being said, we have people like Palin, Jindal and and the new chairman Michael Steele rearranging the deckchairs on the Titanic. Obviously, they are just face people who have no substance who are just megalomaniacal sell-outs who are driven more by their narcissism than what they are paid to do. They suck Satan's cock, to put it colloquially. They are chosen because of what they look like, to show racial and sexual diversity. This, in my opinion, is on the lowest branch of racism.

Can't the Republicans go away for awhile and regroup and restructure their ideology? Do we have to have a rebuttal right now? This is why the political game is ultimately an adolescent one. The other party needs to be on the defensive and say the opposite (even if the opposite sounds like it's coming from an Middle Eastern immigrant voiced by Jim Henson) so they can point back to what they said if and when something fails. Do we really need this shit anymore? I don't. Quite frankly, I'm sick of this mutherfucking bullshit from both sides of the aisle. At the end of the day, a bunch of Republicans being right doesn't equal jobs and mortgage credit. It equals nothing but the same old pomp and circumstance my generation never understood in the first place.

Obama's stimulus might not work. But it might work, too. Even top economists say that ultimately, it's all all in how the money is spent. This is where it could go bad...or it could go good. And that's how I'd like to see this thing go--what's the alternative if we don't start looking at it this way? Keep spending monopoly money and listen to guys like Jindal lull me to sleep with his condescending Kermit impression until we really go broke and we hand over the reigns to a nationalized banking system that will make this place even more of a bummer. To me, that's real socialism--and I could do without it.