R.I.P.

(the following is an excerpt from the RS 128 from February 15, 1973 article Hunter S. Thompson wrote for Rolling Stone magazine entitled Fear and Loathing at the Super Bowl.)
The conversation took place within 10 yards of me, and I heard most of it.
“Who's the big guy over there with the ball in his hand?” asked the man with the DA.
“His name's Thompson,” replied Chronical sportswriter Jack Smith. “He's a writer for Rolling Stone .”
“The Rolling Stones? Jesus Christ! What's he doing here? Did you bring him?”
“No, he's writing a big article. Rolling Stone is a magazine, Al. It's different from the Rolling Stones; they're a rock music group. . . Thompson's a buddy of George Plimpton's, I think. . . and he's also a friend of Dave Burgin's -- you remember Burgin?”
“Holy shit! Burgin! We ran him out of here with a cattle prod!”
I saw Smith laugh at that point, then he was talking again: “Don't worry, Al. Thompson's okay. He wrote a good book about Las Vegas.”
Good god! I thought. That's it. . . If they read that book I'm finished. By this time I'd realized that this strange-looking bugger named “Al,” who looked like a pimp or a track-tout, was in fact the infamous Al Davis-- general manager and de facto owner (pending settlement of a nasty lawsuit scheduled for court-action early this year) of the whole Oakland Raider operation.
Davis glanced over his shoulder at me, then spoke back to Smith: “Get the bastard out of here. I don't trust him.”
I heard that very clearly -- and if I'd had any sense I'd have abandoned the whole story right then, for reasons of extreme and unnatural prejudice; call the office and say I couldn't handle the bad vibes, then jump the next plane to Colorado. . . I was watching Davis very closely now, and it occurred to me that the fiendish intensity of his speech and mannerisms reminded me very strongly of another Oakland badass I'd spent some time with, several years earlier -- ex-Hell's Angels president Ralph “Sonny” Barger, who had just beaten a multiple-murder rap and then copped out, they said, to some kind of minor charge like “Aggravated Assault with Intent to Commit Murder,” or “Possession of Automatic Weapons” (submachine-guns), “Possession of Heroin (four pounds) with Intent to Sell, and Sexual Assault on Two Minors with Intent to Commit Forcible Sodomy”. . .
I had read these things in the Chronicle. . . but. . . What the hell? Why compound these libels? Any society that will put Barger in jail and make Al Davis a respectable millionaire at the same time is not a society to be trifled with.
In any case, the story of my strange and officially ugly relationship with Al Davis is too complicated for any long explanations at this point. I spent several days pacing the sidelines of the Raider practice field with him -- prior to the Pittsburgh, Cleveland and Kansas City games -- and the only thing I remember him talking about is “Environmental Determinism.” He spoke at considerable length on that subject, as I recall, but there is nothing in my notes to indicate precisely what he said about it.
Shortly after I heard him tell Smith to get rid of me on that first afternoon, I walked over to him and somehow got wound up in a conversation about how he was having trouble buying property in Aspen because “some people out there,” thought his money was “dirty” because of his known connections in Las Vegas. “Hell, that's no problem,” I told him. “I once ran for sheriff in Aspen; I know the place pretty well, and I can tell you for sure that at least half the money out there is dirtier than any you're likely to come up with.”
He stopped and eyed me curiously. “You ran for sheriff?” he said. “In Aspen, Colorado?”
I nodded. “Yeah, but I'd rather not talk about it. We didn't lose by much, but losing in politics is like losing in football, right? One vote, one point --”
He smiled crookedly, then began pacing again. “I don't give a damn about politics,” he said as I hurried along the white-lime sideline to keep up with him. “The only things that interest me are economics and foreign affairs.”
Jesus christ! I thought. Economics, foreign affairs, environmental determinism -- this bastard is sand-bagging me.
We paced back and forth a while longer, then he suddenly turned on me: “What are you after?” he snapped. “Why are you out here?”
“Well. . .” I said. “It would take me a while to explain it. Why don't we have a beer after practice tomorrow and I'll --”
“Not tomorrow,” he said quickly. “I only come out here on Wednesdays and Thursdays. They get nervous when I'm around, so I try to stay away most of the time.”
I nodded -- but I didn't really understand what he meant until an hour or so later, when Coach Madden signaled the end of that day's practice and Davis suddenly rushed onto the field and grabbed the quarterback, Ken Stabler, along with a receiver and a defensive back I didn't recognize, and made them run the same pass pattern -- a quick shot from about 15 yards out with the receiver getting the ball precisely at the corner of the goal line and the out-of-bounds line-- at least twelve consecutive times until they had it down exactly the way he wanted it.
That is my last real memory of Al Davis: It was getting dark in Oakland, the rest of the team had already gone into the showers, the coach was inside speaking sagely with a gaggle of local sportswriters, somewhere beyond the field-fence a big jet was cranking up its afterburners on the airport runway. . . and here was the owner of the flakiest team in pro football, running around on a half-dark practice field like a king-hell speed freak with his quarterback and two other key players, insisting that they run the same goddamn play over and over again until they had it right.
That was the only time I ever felt that I really understood Davis. . . We talked on other days, sort of loosely and usually about football, whenever I would show up at the practice field and pace around the sidelines with him. . . and it was somewhere around the third week of my random appearances, as I recall, that he began to act very nervous whenever he saw me.
I never asked why, but it was clear that something had changed, if only back to normal. . . After one of the midweek practices I was sitting with one of the Raider players in the tavern down the road from the fieldhouse and he said: “Jesus, you know I was walking back to the huddle and I looked over and, god damn, I almost flipped when I saw you and Davis standing together on the sideline. I thought, man, the world really is changing when you see a thing like that -- Hunter Thompson and Al Davis -- Christ, you know that's the first time I ever saw anybody with Davis during practice; the bastard's always alone out there, just pacing back and forth like a goddamn beast. . .”

Week 4 Blog: The Omen

I promised myself one thing, that this blog wouldn't turn into a Bear Blog. I plan on keeping that promise. I'm not a Bear fan this year, I have conned my brain into thinking this. My love for Jeff Fisher knows no bounds at this point. But I wanted to start this entry by touching on the rich lineage of the Chicago running back.

Matt Fotre is one of the elite running backs in the game today. Yeah, I said it. Document the day I said it. Remind me I said it. I have no shame. He ran for 205 yards. Only other Bears that have done this are named Walter Payton and Gale Sayers. Nuff' said.

Playas Be Hatin'

In a related story, some book publisher hired Mike Ditka as an unofficial spokesperson for a tabloid bio that just came out about Sweetness. Ditka said, "I'd spit on him. I have no respect for him." Now I know what you are asking yourself, how is that promoting Jeff Perlman's book? Negativity promotes more strongly than positivity, does it not? That said, is it not a far-fetched idea to use the media as a source of free advertising via negative press? Dirt sells, ladies and Ghents.

ANYHOO-HOOO-HOO-HOO, maybe it was an omen, as we enter the witching hour of the calendar, that Forte would have a monster day at Soldier right after this book came out, almost as if the torch has been officially passed from Payton to Young Master Matt. It only took four years to replace Sayers with Payton. It was taken two and a half decades to finally put Walter's ghost to bed. Sleep well, Sweetness. Coach Ditka, Brian Urlacher (called Perlman a jackass, publicly) and Ron Rivers (said it was easy to crap on someone who wasn't alive to defend himself) have got your back. I need to use foot notes. How about some bullets for yer milk.

• Detroit Lions. Wow! Just wow! What a show they put on against the Cowboys. The Lions are for reals, bust out the anointing oil, Tuna Man (but save the tuna oil for America's Team). Johnson and Pettigrew are looking like studs out there as Stafford continues to gun the ball into their bread baskets. Looking forward to their divisional match-up against the Bears next week.
• Baltimore Ravens. This might be the team to beat in the AFC. They look sharper on offense than their divisional rivals, the Steelers. They look better on defense than the Patriots. If they keep this up, we might see them in Indy. Barring injury, these guys are a new favorite. Maybe they'll play the Lions? But we mustn't forget the champs.
• Aaron Rodgers. I wonder if his 408 yards passing, 4 tuds (2 pass, 2 run) is the single greatest fantasy output ever? I understand all leagues score differently, but there is no denial that Rodgers put up monster numbers against a woeful Broncos team (Tebow Time yet?). Between him and Brady, we're looking at two quarterbacks playing to the peak of their abilities and Rodgers might have the better season once the fog settles into the graveyard of quarterback performances of the past.
• Brady/Pats. Took care of the Raiders quite handedly. The Pats don't lose 2 weeks in a row. Brady's numbers are down, but the season is still young--although, Rodgers might take the MVP crown away from Tommy this year if he keeps his numbers up. Time will tell. Pack/Pats is still a dream Super Bowl.
• Eagles. Crisis mode already. Too much hype with this team. This squad is the NFC version of the Jets (is Sanchez an effective NFL QB? Does he get the Alex Smith treatment in New York?). Vick is not the kind of guy to take the heat of a sinking ship--and his frustration grows by the week. How soon until Kafka puts on the RAID-repellent and steers the sinking ship into the nearest cheese steak sandwich?
• The Rex Grossman Award... goes to Jay Cutler. But to be fair, he is working with the worst line in the NFL. No, I am not a Jay apologist, nor do I apply the tuna oil. The guy is a jerk. But he's my jerk.
• Vikings. McNabb is done in the NFL. The Christian Ponder era is about to begin. I blame Farve, his presence on that team was a dark omen over the purple and gold. Looking at the rest of the schedule, the Vikings will only win 4 games (if they're lucky) this season. Who, if anyone, will pick up McNabb this off season, if anyone?CFL? Arena? WNBA? ...developing...
• Tony Romo. Not quite in the same boat as McNabb, but gettin' there. He is the most inconsistent quarterback since Rex's days as a Bear. Speaking of Rex--he's dipping into the familiar swamp of bad numbers. Watch for him to fuck up on a more consistent level as the Redskins march towards meritocracy in the final half of the season. I predict he will win his own award at least 3 times before the Redskins bench him and put in the next worst thing.

Key Matchups and Predictions.

Eagles V. Bills. A must win situation for the Eagles. A statement game for Buffalo. Those two sentences would sounded like swahili before the season kicked off. This is how unpredictable the league has become. I like the Eagles to win and I think they'll win big. Not to say I have lost hope for Buffalo, but I think the Bengals showed the league that the Bills play hard and to the end, but lady luck was striped in orange and black and the Bills will have a hard time adjusting. Maybe...I like the Eagles by 17.

Titans V. Steelers. Titans look sharp on offense with Hasselbeck under center, turns out he just needed a change of scenery. The Titans are a dark horse in the AFC (I picked them to win the division and I still think this will happen). The Steelers looked flat on offense against the Texans, who I feel isn't as good as this Titans team. But the Steelers get up for the big games and they always seem to rebound from games they should have won. The game will end in a tie.

Raiders V. Texans. Alright Raiders, this is it. You have to win this game or you won't appear on my key match-ups list ever again. If Andre Johnson suits up, forget it Oakland. But if he is still playing the part of Tiny Tim on the sideline come sunday, I like Janikowski to kick them out of a squeaker.

Bucs V. 49ers. The Niners are playing hard for their head coach, Capt. Comeback himself. But I'm leaning towards the Bucs, barring what they do to the Colts tonight. My love for Josh Freeman knows no bounds. This one will be tight in the fourth. No prediction. This is what they call in the gambling world a "stay away."

Jets V. Pats. Rex has a way of getting his team up for these games and, like the Eagles, New York is dangerously treading water in a strong division. The Pats are at home, but that seems to work against them in this game. I wanna call "stay away" but I feel in my heart that Belichick has figured out the rubrik's cube that is the Jets defense and I feel he spent his extra time over the lockout dissecting every look in films. This is a close one though, Pats by 5.

Green Bay V. Atlanta. Atlanta needs to win. Green Bay needs to stop winning. The Birds'll get their revenge on the Pack, but it will be close. Expect Rodgers to show him mortality (can only go down after that Herculian wayfayer against Denver). Falcons by 2.

Chicago V. Lions. Tough call. Did the Bears find their run attack against Carolina? If so, they might have a chance against the stronger Detroit team (felt weird typing that, let alone thinking it). Am I calling this a Bears win. Lord no. The Lions are as good as the Ravens at this point. Lions by 10.

End of Line.

10/7 Addendum:

Yeah, I know this isn't a Bear Blog, but something happened today that is 25 years in the making and worth noting for it's cultural, historical and sporting significance. Roughly twenty-five years ago, this happened:

And it prevented these guys from going to visit Reagan in the White House.

That is until today, when President Obama honored the '85 Bears today at the White House lawn.

Obama said at the press conference that the 1985 Bears were "the greatest team in NFL history." Finally I agree with him on something.

E.O.L.

Week 3 Blog - Human After All

Week 3 down, my dear readers. Before I get into the games, I just wanted to talk, briefly about the brilliant NFL doc, Bill Belichick: A Football Life. It was something to see, the most ridiculed and reclusive head coach in the NFL actually act human. Not only that, we got to take a peak at his relationship with Brady, his coaching staff and his son, Stephen. We even get to see him shit talk up with Derrick Mason, telling the Ravens veteran to go fornicate himself in so many words. If you love the NFL, you will love this doc and you will see what is essentially the Darth Vader of the league take off his helmet for two hours and reflect on the reputation he has made for himself in his almost 40 years of coaching in the NFL.

Well?

Mike Vick continues to be the cry baby of the league after complaining that the refs didn't protect him in the Eagles loss to the Giants yesterday. He sustained a hand injury and he broke his vagina. Listen, Vick. You're only three years back since yer stint in the pen--maybe you shouldn't be falling into old habits. Next week, he'll get busted by putting his truth in a water bottle and the downward spiral will start again. The guy is hard. There's nothing he can do to save himself from himself. All we can do is watch. And wait...

Bullets.

• Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Still my sleeper to get into the playoff picture and I think they will have a better record than the Falcons. Yeah, I said it. The Falcons might be in early season panic mode. They don't even look like a playoff team now, the Lions have their spot, tentatively.

• Detroit Lions. Comeback kids. The Vikings looked good against them until they depended on McNabb to pull out a squeaker, something he absolutely sucks at (see: Super Bowl XXIX). Like the Bills, the Lions look like a team of destiny. But, we'll put away the anointing oil until at least Thanksgiving when they play the Pack for the first time this season. Finally, a Lions-Thanksgiving game to look forward to.

• Brady. Looked mortal in a loss to the Bills (their first win against the Pats in 15 games--ouch). His numbers were decent, but 4 INTs gives the game away. And what about Ochocinco? Fantasy players are dropping him, no doubt, after he dropped a TD pass. Don't you dare count out these Pats, though. Sure their defense is atrocious and they don't seem to have any ground game worth mentioning. A healthy Brady and a cognizant Belichick is all this team needs to go deep in the postseason. Besides, name me one team that is better than the Pats in the AFC. The Ravens? Maybe. The Steelers? Took it to the wire against the one of the worst in Indianapolis. Bills? Let the season play out. Jets? Paper Tigers. Raiders? Gimme a break, watch Sunday. Brady gonna put on a clinic. Belichick hates losing two in a row.

• Eagles. All hype. Might end up as the least in the East if they keep this up. Vince Young needs to get in there soon (or kill himself...). Kafka is sprouting antennas.

• The Rex Grossman Award... goes to Andy Dalton. 157 yards passing, 2 INTs, no TuDs. I wonder if Mike Brown's index finger is hovering over the send button of a poetic, baby-come-back e-mail to Carson Palmer. Time will tell. Speaking of the Bengals, when does Marvin Lewis' tenure end. He's had more NFL lives than Wile E Coyote reincarnated as a cat.

• Tony Romo. Who cares if you played injured. You are a footnote. An amoebae. A nothing master.

Games I'm looking forward to this week and some picks:

Detroit V. Dallas. I think the Lions are due for a bubble burst. Minnesota almost did it last week, and I think Dallas is capable of doing it this week. I like the Boys to win by a touchdown.

Pittsburgh V. Houston. Houston always comes out the gate strong and the Steelers don't. I like the Texans to win by a game-winning two point conversion. Yeah, you read that right.

Jets V. Ravens. Two ships are passing in the night on the legitness highway. The Ravens are heading towards the promisland, the Jets are heading towards a parking lot fist fight between Rex and Broadway Joe. I wonder if Suzie Colbert has a foot fetish? Ravens by 10 here.

Giants V. Cardinals. Cardinals are quietly good at home and almost always suck on the road. Giants just always suck. I like Kolb having a big day against a strong Giant front four. Cards by 4.

New England V. Oakland. Like I said , Brady will get his revenge on week 2 and Raider Nation will lament another bullshit, Brady-friendly call by a referee. Riots will ensue. Oakland burns ala San Francisco in 1906. The guy in the spiked Raider shoulder pads will be tried for arson.

#Guilty

Hypothetical Question of the Week: Who would win in a gang fight, 10 random members of Raider Nation or 10 Juggalos. Results will be released never because no one reads this and no one cares.

End of Line.

9/28 Addendum:

I forgot to write about that bullshit call in the Bears-Packers game during that fake punt return play. That is easily the best play of the year and it might end up the play of the season. A play that was phantom-ref'd. Seriously, what in the suck? Corey Graham was called for holding, tell me if you see him hold anything other than the entire Packer punt team's collective attention as Johnny Knox catches the ball up the sideline and returns the fucker for 6...sike.

The thing that sucks is that the Bears blew this play in an unwinnable game. They should have saved it, but for when. The kicker would have to kick it in the same direction--which, I suppose is an easy call when you have Hester, the best to ever return kicks in the NFL, next to you on the field. Does that mean that squibs will become routine, I'm okay with this because squibs give the Bears great field position after every kick off. This might be an advantage.

Please, Chicago, lose 12 this year. Please usher in the Jeff Fisher era in 2012. Please draft a new line. Please sign Andre Johnson next year. Please win a ring before Urlacher retires.

Baseball.

Holy shit. What a closer. Braves and Red Sox, gone. Rays and Cards, movin' on. Bodacious! I hope the Snakes and Fuckies lose in the first round so the red birds and the brew crew can square up in the NLCS. That is becoming the Midwest Sox-Yanks, Giants-Douchebags.

In the AL, Yanks-Rays in ALCS. Still like the sound of Brewers-Yanks. Yanks win again.

E.O.L.

Week 2 Blog - Karma Kameleon

Week 2 in the books...almost. Who gives a shit about the Rams and Giants, neither will go to the playoffs, so covering the Monday Night game is moot. But week 2 looks a lot like week 1 from the offensive perspective. The Patriots continue to WOW. The Lions and Bills could meet in the Super Bowl. Rex Grossman is 2-0, compared to Kyle Orton and Jay Cutler's 1-1, placing him at the top of the "Bear Club" in the NFL. And Cam Newton will be the heir apparent to Michael Vick.

#winning

Yes, Ron Mexico himself. He's injured yet again. Then Mike Kafka came in and turned into a cockroach, orchestrating a loss that will not go down on Mexico's shoulders, who led the game before his brittle ass left in the 3rd. Let me go on the record, I like dogs and I like Vick. I can like two things independently of each other, even though to the layman, it appears that is contradictory. It's an evolved thought, deal with it.

ANYWHO, it was karma in action. The team that Vick left in his dog-fighting maylay wanted revenge in his first game back in Atlanta. He wasn't supposed to win this game. God even willed it in the third. I love dogs. I hate pit bulls.

And boy do the Patriots play flawlessly. The San Diego SuperChargers went back to skool in Foxboro today. On a side note--Ben Roethlisberger was victim to the "Tom Brady Rule" in the 2nd half of the Steelers-Seahawks game. He was okay, even came back in the game after fan favorite Charlie Batch came into the game (LOL--just kidding--everyone hates Charlie Batch). On another side note, the "Tuck Rule" could also be construed as the "Tom Brady Rule"--but Big Ben has never been one to tuck it away. See: Ben's penchant to rape.

Enough. Bullet Thoughts now.

• Cam Newton. Still too legit to quit. Only Brady has more yards this year. The kid is here to stay. Watch out naysayers-who-say-nay to Heisman men just because it's sexy to do so.

• Brady. Still killing it. Pats/Pack in the SB? More probable after today. Wouldn't be the first time that Brady and Co. usurped the reigning world champ, an offensive juggernaught from the NFC. The first time Brady did it, he beat the reigning world champ, an offensive juggernaught from the NFC. It all happens in cycles, ladies and jellyspoons.

• Indianapolis Colts. It's like watching Steve Buscemi's limbs being put into a wood chipper, week in, week out. Who will succeed Jim Caldwell after he is fired in week 12? Bill Cowher? Gettin' too cushy in his analyst job with a flock of assholes on CBS. Jeff Fisher?No. He'll be the 2012 Chicago Bears chief. Gruden? Imagine the touchdown babies he would make with Peyton and Andrew Luck?

• Bills/Raiders. Best game of a young 2011. That guy they call the Amish Rifle is legit. The Bills could beat the Pats this year. That Jackson guy is good too. My future brother-in-law says that all people that live in Buffalo are good for is digging. He might be right, the Bills dug a mass grave and threw Raider bones in it. Speaking of the Raiders, I tweeted a couple of weeks ago, the following: "With all the remakes these days, I would love to see Raiders of the Lost Ark remade. But instead of Nazis, the bad guys are the Oakland Raiders."

• The Rex Grossman Award... goes to Luke McCown, the worst quarterback in the NFL. 59 yards passing/4 INTs. Why did Jax get rid of Gerrard? They might be the worst team in the NFL. That coach that looks like Al Gore who's name I forget at the moment is gonna be the defensive coordinator of the Chiefs next season. Luke McCown is all adam's apple.

• Tony Romo. Nobody loves you. They just pretend.

So it goes, dudes and hoes. Pimpin' is a lot easier than previously thought and the NFL is continuing to bang and pop like Chinese firecrackers in a ghetto garbage can. I expect week 3 to be more of the same. But who will be standing after the smoke clears, it ain't even Fall yet, we have a long way to go until Brady lifts that Lombard over his cherubic head in Raymond James just before he and Jizzele book their flight for a Bora Bora Valentines getaway where Tommy will yell at her for not ordering her Starbucks fast enough. Only if chicks listened to you like a Tight End, eh Tom?

That only made sense to me.

End of Line.

9/22 Addendum: Deon Grant went down in that MNF game, I missed it. I apologize, but here is my official take. It is clear after watching the replay a half dozen times that Jacquian Williams takes a Vlade Divac-esque dive, and falls on Grant's feet and Grant stays on the ground. Sam Bradford has gone on record and said that he heard someone shout "go down" on the defensive side to slow down the no-huddle. Grant and the rest of the Giants organization vehemently deny this strange occurrence as a fake. But I don't buy it. If the Giants are going to do this kinda shit, at least respect the modern age of rewind and multiple angles by adding this to the weekly practice regiment. Maybe put Ric Flair and Bam Bam Bigalow on the payroll as special advisers, and they can teach these fools on the art of selling contact that looks and feels realistic. These guys break it down better than I can:

E.O.L.