Podcast: The Education of Jeremy Lin

In today's love affair with my own voice, I talk mostly about the Knickerbocker phenom, Jeremy Lin. From there, I go into familiar country as I wax nostalgic about old skool Knick teams, compare and contrast the vocations of stand-up comedy and teaching Community College, and I seem to remember talking about mine eternal nemesis: Mathematics. Set your phazers for FUN!

This guy Skooled Kobe?

Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon and John Wilkes Booth

1. Booth appeared in an 1863 production of MacBeth with Louisa Lane Drew.

2. Louisa Lane Drew appeared in an 1896 production of The Rivals with her grandson Lionel Barrymore.

3. Lionel Barrymore appeared in It’s A Wonderful Life with Jimmy Stuart in 1948.

4. Jimmy Stuart was in 1977′s Airport ’77 with Jack Lemmon.

5. Jack Lemmon was in JFK in 1991 with Kevin Bacon.

Thomas Edward Patrick Brady Jr.

Electricity warps outward in a dark alley. A flash of light burns then turns to steam. A nude male, 6'4, weighing 16 stone is kneeling in a glowing indention in the concrete jungle. The man rises, his body chiseled a Greek statue, his face calculated for a mission, eyes red as lasers. Beneath this skin an exoskeleton of future steel, programmed to destroy the youngest member of a NFL quarterback mill named Manning. This bloodless conception, know to humans as New England Patriot quarterback, Tom Brady is on a hunt--revenge his creed.

"I'm looking for Lucas Oil."

"It's all happening," was a common mantra amongst the throng of band sluts in Cameron Crowe's best film, Almost Famous, an apt expression, me thinks, for the ramp up to Sunday's football melee, a true unofficial American holiday that has evolved from clash of the bested gladiators to pop culture explosion when advertisers throw their tightest spiral into our collective eyeballs and gambling addicts bet on the outcome of a simple toss o' the coin.

This year's game will be different than all Super Bowls played before it. We all know what happened on February 3, 2008 in Phoenix as the Giants rose like the city they were playing at, on the shoulders of...well, Giants; looking down at the aberration that had become the Patriots bid to be the only 19-0 team in league history. It went down as the greatest loss in pro football history. Klosterman agrees.

Vince Wilfork enjoys his offseason...

But this game coming up should have the subtitle: Goliath Gets Back Up. The match-ups have be repeated to death by the so-called experts, but the one I am most interested in is the demeanor of Capt. Suave and the TE offense. The first couple of series will tell the outcome: If Brady comes out swinging, connecting throw after throw and gets at least 7 out of the first two series of chess moves, he has a good shot. But wait...this very thing happened in 2008. I guess the real thing we'll want to keep an eye out for is how Brady reacts to an early lead. Last time he didn't have the motivation to keep it going because, frankly, he was drained for the undefeated season and the ramp up to the equally draining Super Bowl hype machine that has been turned up to 11, it seems, ever since Janet Jackson showed the world her sunny nipple.

WTF just happened?

This Super Bowl will be different, mark my words--because Thomas Edward Patrick Brady Jr. has a fire in his belly that he seems to ignite at his will. He's the Michael Jordan of the NFL that way.

Feed me, Richard Seymour.

Believe it or not, this chubster would become the purest quarterback in universal categories to ever play quarterback in the highest league. Tom Brady grew up just north of here, in a parallel dimension to yours truly (wouldn't be a metagonzo journalist it it didn't point back to me at any point in the game here). Really, Brady is an amalgamation of about 3-4 dudes I went to high school/played sports with. And now that I think about it, at my High School, Eric Rabuse was our Tom Brady.

Eric Rabuse was my best friend in 4th grade. The tandem of Rabuse/Stutsman were the equivalent of a terrorist network to grade school teachers at Woodlake Valley Middle School. Eric and I seldomly paid attention in class, goofed on all the goof-worthy candidates and we were obssessed with seeing the flick Raw Head Rex (a film I still have yet to see). Eric and I were so bad that it was requested that we not be allowed in the same class for the rest of our tenure at WVMS. But on a technicality, we were back at it in Mr. Lee's class in 5th grade. Eric and I quickened whatever eventually killed Mr. Lee that year.

The Rawest of all the Heads...

After 5th grade, the school officially made it a policy that Stutsman and Rabuse not be in the same class for the next three years. After that, Eric became a really good basketball player. To this day, I marvel how natural his layup was in 1988. He was also a great baseball player, leading little league in the HR category 3 years straight.

In Pop Warner hell, Eric became the starting quarterback, then he leap-frogged freshman league football and became the JV starter, perfecting his throwing motion and accuracy, leading the league in passing categories for two seasons in Charlie Dodd's west-coast offense. I would watch my former best friend with the same awe that I'm sure kids in the Bay Area did when they watched Tom Brady rule the roost on Norcal gridiron.

Long story short, Rabuse lost the fire in his belly (if he even had it, Eric was the most natural athlete I had ever observed, but his heart was more into doing stupid shit in class than completing a 78-yard pass to William Harrison on Exeter's home field) when he threw 5 interceptions in a the league-opener against Lindsay our Junior year. I always thought that Eric threw the interceptions on purpose, as a protest to the expectations of his dad, the coaches, the student body and the town. Can't you just hear the Rage Against the Machine soundtrack in the background? The next year, Eric transferred to rival Exeter where he may/may not have been illegally recruited (ah High School sport politics). The coaches in Woodlake made such a stink that Eric wasn't allowed to play any sport at Exeter his senior year, which threw a wrench into the machine since Eric was expected to dominate in baseball once again, that senior year all-important to show off to the scouts for the MLB draft. This move got Woodlake it's quarterback back, but it was moot because Eric hurt his hand in the only game he played in that senior year, a comeback effort against Dinuba were the Rabuse magic was once again on display....for the last time.

#throwback

Tom Brady was also a Rabuse-esque natural at the big three sports. Brady was heavily pursued by the Montreal Expos in 1995. Instead, Brady opted for college to play baseball/football for the Michigan Wolverines. After the Wolverines won the National Championship following an undefeated season on the shoulders of Brian Greise, Tom Brady became the starter for blue and yellows in 1997. But even then, the much-hyped Drew Henson was nipping at Brady's heels, touted as the next two-sport prospect à la Bo Jackson and Neon Deion (Henson went on to play for the Yankees for a bit after college, retired from baseball and played quarterback briefly for Parcell's Cowboys before getting cut in favor of Drew Bledsoe, the man who lost his starting job to Brady in New England. Weird).

L to R: Drew Henson, some unknown Puke, and Gisele's meal ticket

Despite the Henson setback, Brady was able to start for the majority of his two seasons in Michigan. Then in 2000, Brady entered the NFL draft. Early analysis said he was too little to be a NFL quarterback and the NFL being the copycat league it is, Brady was passed up the first day of the draft until the Pats got him late in the 6th round.

Don't judge a book by it's cover...

My favorite Brady-is-a-T-1000 story happened not long after Brady stepped in for Bledsoe in 2001. I remember reading an article in Sports Illustrated at the CSUS student clinic (for undisclosed reasons), an interview with Belichick talking about Brady's autistic level attention to detail after taking the snap. If I remember correctly, Belichick was yelling at Brady after he threw the ball away on a 3rd down and Brady defended the decision by going into a detail-rich explanation as to why all his targets were covered as he rolled out of the pocket. Belichick probably gave him one of those knitted looks we all love the Coach for, but to his surprise, upon further review of the game tapes, Belichick was floored when he saw each receiver scenario play out just as Brady had described. It was at that point, I believe, Belichick knew he wasn't going back to Bledsoe in 2001--his franchise quarterback in New England was already under center.

As much as I love a good revenge story, I really don't want the Patriots to win on Sunday. But if they do win, Tom Brady will go down as the greatest quarterback to ever play the game. This is enough to root against the Patriots in general, if they aren't your team, nobody should have this much success--at least according to your local Cleveland Browns fan.

The key to the Patriots winning this game will be to keep Eli and his receivers off the field, allowing Brady to take ticks off the clock as he moves the offense down he field for a slow motion score. This is an apt game plan, if there is one thing Brady doesn't do is turnover the ball. But if the possession clock is 50/50, the advantage is with the Giants--because the secondary of the Patriots has been more maligned than any other Super Bowl backfield in recent memory.

But if it comes down to quarterback play, I begrudgingly give the advantage to Tom (although Eli, four years later has proven himself an elite QB). It's all about the fire in the belly, Tom Brady remembers all the people who said he couldn't do it. He heard it in Michigan, he heard it at the combine, he heard it at Patriots training camp and if you asked him, I'm sure the pubescent chubster heard it too. And Tom Brady remembers. Oh, does her remember. And these are the memories that act as jetfuel to his eternal flame.

This is, ultimately, why I am just jealous of Tom Brady. I'm not jealous of his Adonis exhibition in Stetson adverts. I'm not jealous of his conquest of one of the most beautiful models in the world (high maintenance on steroids if you ask me). I'm not jealous of his athletic abilities, his ease of existence under center, his championships, his MVP awards, his role as the golden face (and arm) of the NFL. Not so jealous of his cars, homes, helicopters, island deeds and access to inner-party functions. The quality I am most jealous of is this fire I speak of. I am jealous that through all of the fog of the extravagant lifestyle he leads, Tom Brady still has access to that feeling of inferiority while his life seems to be free of this inferiority. Tom Brady is advanced enough to know that if he were to let go of this spark, he wouldn't be as successful, year-in/year-out. One thing you can bet on in this game and any game that Thomas Edward Patrick Brady Jr. is under center, it will not be lost because he didn't give it his all. This to me, is an impossibility. Pats get their revenge, 24-37.

Podcast: Paleolithic Winter

Old skool podcast for yer ass!! Although I discuss the AFC/NFC championships at the top, I get into dark nerd territory as I discuss the best TV show in the boob tube's history, "The Wire," that SOPA/PIPA bullshit, the strange thing that is Superbrothers: Sword & Sworcery EP, the fantastical novel Ready Player One, and the ambitious album by the band Fishboy called "Creepy Classics" and the awesome band from Wassilla, Alaska--Portugal. The Man. Call me, Ishmael!

"When you walk through the garden you gotta watch your back..."

We Scythians loathe rainbows. #loathsomerainbows #sworcery

"It's the year 2044, and the real world is an ugly place."

If Tarantino made music. Listen here.

Musical Guest: Portugal. The Man.

Week 17 Blogcast: ...At the End.

Crazy, wack-ass league.

Oakland Cut Out the Cancer in 2011.

Dalton not done.

God Bless, Jeff Fisher. Wherever he ends up.

Flynn Lives.

History Repeats.

*chuckle*

"Show me your boss sex moves."

Week 16 Blog: Life's a Brees

Drew Brees is the fucking man. On Monday night, as the Saints completely shellacked the Dirty Birds in New Orleans, Brees broke Dan Marino's 27-year-old passing yardage record in dramatic fashion. He only needed 304 yards and he was well over half way there at the half. His second half was a bit more sluggish and it almost looked as if the record would have to wait another game--but as Brees drove the team down the gridiron at the end, he hit Darren Sproles in the endzone to reach 307 yards, thus eclipsing the Mario mark by three yards. It was in classic Brees fashion, as Rich Eisen pointed out on twitter: "Like Jeter getting his 3,000th hit on a home run, @drewbrees breaks Marino's record on a TD pass. The great ones know how to do it."

Brees and the line that made the historic season possible.

I was really glad to see a class act like Drew eclipse the same record he flirted with a couple years back. Now, I'm not the world's biggest Dan Marino fan--he seems to suffer from the same pretense that a lot of quarterbacks of his era do (I'm looking at you Phil Sims, Troy Aikman, Boomer Esiason and John Elway). Maybe it's because we see these guys on various morning shows and in the booth, but they all seem to have an air of superiority to them (Boomer especially, I wish that asscastle would shove his opinions up Dan Dierdorf's fat ass where it belongs).

He didn't.

I know I'm being a tad hard on the greats of the 80's, but I was sick of their attitudes when they played and I'm sick of being exposed to their harsh critisisms of the new elites, who are a better crop, talentwise. Just look at the whole Elway/Tebow controversy that played out this year. Elway was critical not only of Tebow's unorthodox play at the QB position, but he was judging him through the prism of his own experiance. This, I feel, makes Elway an inadequate general manager--it would be like if Bruce Jenner criticized the Kardashian girls for not earning their notoriety.

That analogy was almost as horrible as this face.

With the exception of maybe Philip Rivers and Tom Brady, the modern NFL quarterback seems to be without any pretense at all. And this is a good thing. Pretentiousness in general is always a bad idea. I know that there was a place for it in the last few decades, but in today's day and age, it's a shortcut to sounding like a complete and utter douche-pipe hocking isotoner gloves.

Getting down to the brass tacks this week and heading right into the predictions:

Lions V. Packers. Packers have nothing to play for in this game, Detroit is playing for the 5 seed. Lots of reserves will be in early and often, which should give the big cats the advantage. Don't count out Matt Flynn coming in for Rodgers in the second half, especially if the Packers have the lead--that is, if the defense holds up. The Packers defense is really starting to look like this team's Achilles heel. There is no reason in hell that they should have given up 21 points to the Bears no-name offense on Christmas. On occasion, Josh McCown looked like a decent quarterback and Bell easily had over 100 yards rushing. The Bears offense is so fucked-up right now that Roy Williams is looking like a viable target. This is big problem for Packers, one I feel will be the reason they don't go back to the Super Bowl this year. Lions win, 28-21.

"Don't be hatin' "

Colts V. Jaguars. This is compelling of a couple of different levels. This game will dictate the draft order, which will be one of the biggest "to be, or not to be" moments any team has faced with their franchise quarterback. In the last two weeks, the Colts have shed their "Luck for Luck" moniker and have looked like a subpar-500 team, scratching out wins at the zero hour. I believe that the Colts will win, ending up with the #2 pick overall, thus fucking with the media's preconceived quarterback controversy going into the 2012 season. 21-10

Jets V. Dolphins. The Dolphins are a great spoiler team, The Jets are a great victim and a poser-team to boot. The Dolphins will turn the lights out on the Jets 2011 season in glorious fashion with an old fashioned ass-whoopin', 48-26. And in case you missed it, Brandon Jacobs has the same opinion of Rex that this sports blog does, enjoy!

Bears V. Vikings. The Joe Webb era is officially underway in Minnesota. He's a fan favorite and will no doubt give Christian Ponder some stiff competition when training camp commences in the summer. I hope the Viking blow the Bears out in this one--they deserve to drop this layup after their epic collapse this year. Fuck you, Lovie Smith. Vikings win, 37-0.

Don't Dream, It's Over.

Bills V. Pats. The Pats are the best team in the AFC. But like the Packers, they have to shit out a bunch of touchdowns to stay ahead of the curve. They will have their revenge on the disappointing Bills in their earlier loss, sending a message to the rest of the league that Brady/Belichick are ready to take their talents to the Northern barn in Indianapolis. Pats annihilate the Bills, 85-10.

Panthers V. Saints. After watching Drew Brees and the Saints pluck the feathers out of the Dirty Birds on his path to glory, I learned who is the best team in the league. The Saints can hang offensively with the best of them (Pats/Pack), but they showed the nation that they are not the slouches the aforementioned are on defense. They looked like a wrecking crew against Atlanta--and expect them to continue their adequate play all the way through all the round, during their bid to get back in the Bowl. A hallmark this writer feels they are more than capable of. That being said, Cam will finish his strong year by running up and down against the Saints B players, Panthers win 32-27.

49ers V. Rams. The Niners need the win to get the first round bye, the Rams need to lose to get Andrew Luck--what could be more amicable? That being said, if the Rams do get the 1st pick--I think they trade the pick away to the highest bidder (Sam Bradford is still a work in progress for that franchise). That being said, let the speculation begin to see who this unknown team will be when the Rams are on the clock. Look to be underwhelmed when the shit sorts itself out this Spring. Niners win, 102-0.

For the 1st pick in the 2012 NFL draft, the Portland Trailblazers select Bill Walton

Ravens V. Bengals. This is a win-and-in situation for the Bengals. I feel they will rise to the occasion because the Ravens suck on the road and the Ravens just plain suck. Andy Daulton and the high flying cats will prevail over this paper raven team, 29-17. I know you've seen it already, but this one will never get old.

Chiefs V. Broncos. Compelling story line here with Kyle Orton returning to Denver à la Douglas MacArthur returning to the Philippines.

"Yer goddamn right I'm back, nigga!"

Denver wins the West with a win over the former Bronco and Romeo Crennel, the propietor of sexy lil' toes that I wanna suck. So, I guess this is the game will prove if God exists.

"Suck me, beautiful!"

Tebow needs to rebound after last week's Caleb Hanie Award-winning performance and it's time for him to have one of those games were he dominates with an early lead and maintains to win by three scores. But...but...I have a bad feeling about this one. When these Midwestern devils covered in Chief-blood hit the iron in the Rockies, you can be sure that Tim will have the playoffs in his eyes, while Kyle has revenge in his. This game is this week's featured Stay Away.

"Pussy."

Chargers V. Raiders. Both these team's can burn in the foulest smelling version of hell imaginable, maybe the devil's personal vomitorium?

"I lost my virginity there."

Cowboys V. Giants. Ah, Tony Romo--I forgot about you when I was pondering the modern player's penchant for pretension. Tony Romo's pretension is undeserved, in my opinion. He's a 7 year Dallas Cowboy QB who hasn't gotten to an NFC championship yet. This is a failure. Maybe America's team will be in the Andrew Luck bidding war that the Rams will undoubtedly hold over team's who desperately need a quarterback like a pit of crocodiles. Dallas loses again. Tony Romo, you suck stains from jockstraps.Giants win the East by beating these pathetic Cowladyboys, 37-23.

End of Line.

Week 15 Blog: Upset Sunday

Insanity, this league is. Ten games, by my count, were upsets (I include the Patriots here, even though they were favored, cuz you know, God and stuff). Packers lost and the Colts won--that alone is a headline maker--but I think the more intriguing games where the upsets that are giving a glimpse into who teams actually are.

First, Yates and the Toros lost rather-handedly to Cam Newton and the high-flying Panthers. From what I understand, the game wasn't even close. Yates looked mortal and the feared Texan defense played uncharacteristic to their smashmouth style of play. It would make sense if the Texans threw the game after winning their decision in Week 14, but these fuckers can still get a first round bye. If they would have won this game, they would be at 11 wins and tied with the Pats for best record in the AFC. Now, they are in a three-way tie with Baltimore and Pittsburgh. Real teams win the games they are supposed to to put themselves in a position to have home games. Just look how lights-out the Pats and Brady played against the Tebroncos--real playoff-bound teams know when to ratchet it up and teams that have never been there before play like the Texans did against the Panthers last Sunday...

"Cammm," said in the style of Deon Sanders

And then there is the Jets, arguably the most inconsistent team this year (even more than the Cowboys and Giants, a mantle not easily triumphed.) The amazing thing about the Jets is their durability at the Head Coach's mouth position. Rex Ryan should be humbled after what the Eagles did to his pathetic team. But instead, he runs his goddamn mouth again--this time at Tom Coughlin. Rex needs to remember the thread that his team is hanging by and realize that the Red Rifle and the Bengals are nipping at Gotham's heels. I'm so sick of Rex Ryan's tired act--sure, it was novel a couple years ago when he took the Jet job--but his act is thinner than phyllo dough on a Christmas pie. Even Michael Lombardi agrees with me. Do us a favor, you phyllo-doughboy, adhere to your own sexual proclivity and park that foot where it belongs...in your own fat head.

Bullets without bullets:

Lights out. Boy, did an analogy ever play out in the city by the Bay last Monday. Not only did the power go out at Candlestick (punerrific, in its own right) not once but twice, but the 9er defense played light out all night, keeping Big Ben and the Steelers out of the endzone all night. But the thing that irked me while watching the game was the instant paranoia that the Monday Night crew projected on the happening--you would have thought that a terrorist plot was unfolding on basic cable. I blame 9/11, the singular event that made us all paranoid fucks looking for our pacifier and a warm place to cocoon into a fetal position. The stone-age militia men who live halfway around this rock have won, ladies and germs.

BAM!

John Skelton. Quietly has the Cards on a 4 game win streak, with an outside chance of making the playoffs. It's clear now that Arizona wasted a ton of money on career backup, Kevin Kolb. Sometimes, the answer is right in front of your face--and I believe that Skelton is that answer for the birds, becoming the other miracle quarterback in the southwestern pocket of the lower 48.

The Grim Sleeper

Reggie Bush. In New Orleans, Bush was a role player, where in Miami, he's a threat. Quietly, he's rushed over the century mark in his last three games, including the massive 203 he accumulated over a sheet of snow in Buffalo. Maybe we're seeing the real Reggie in Miami. I applaud him--he's Heisman winner with a super bowl ring he deserved by playing, now I think he's working on a Hall of Fame legacy and we'll all point back to his salad days in a Dolphin uni as the beginning of said legacy. And he's doing it all without a Kardashian vacuuming his soul like the vapid suckubus she continues to be.

Bullet, dodged.

Ochocinco. Uno TD.

It's about time, done.

Brees. There seems to be a controversy brewing over the MVP award. Brees has entered a world his own in the last month and a half, were Aaron Rodgers has inhabited this world all year. To me, there is no controversy--this thing will play out like it did in 2004, when you had a consistent favorite all year (P. Manning) and a come-from-behind workhorse (McNair) sneaking into the talks at the zero hour. They solved the dilemma by giving the award to both quarterbacks. 2011 will be no different.

Eagles/Chargers. Too little, too late--the both of you go to your holes and think about what the Book has said all year--there is no such thing as stacking talent in the NFL--what do you think this is, the NBA?

Hines Ward. Is in the next Batman movie and we see him run for the most apocalyptic touchdown ever. The thing that pisses me off is the league's non-marketing rules for motion pictures--sure they have to make up a Gotham team (the Rogues), but why can't they be playing the Raiders or the Packers. Bane seems like the kinda cat that would be a Raider fan-and look for fools in the 2012 blackhole sporting the pre-apocalyptic respirator and a Carson Palmer jersey.

The Caleb Hanie Award...goes to the man himself--10/23 for 111 and 3 Ints. Word on the street is that Josh McCown will be starring against the Pack on Jesus Day. Lord help us all.

"There's no helping this blog..."

Raiders/Lions: Game of the year. This back-and-forth affair was eclipsed by my watching of the non-game that ended up taking place in Denver. I wish I would have switched over to this game at a certain point, though. I mean, the fucker came down to a 65 yard try from Janikowski (how long will the man flirt with Dempsy/Elam/Janikowski record?), a kick that was blocked by non other than the newly-reinstated DonkeyKong Suh. Oh, sweet redemption.

Hide yo kids! Hide yo wife!

Predictions:

Texans V. Colts. Toros playing for the first round bye, Colts playing for the first round pick. As the game kicks off in front of my eyes, it will be interesting to see if the Colts, fresh off their first in against Tennessee last week, will suck for luck. And since the first snap was fumbled and lost by Dan Orlovsky, it is clear which way this game will go as Arian Foster runs untouched into the endzone. This one should be easy for the struggling TJ Yates. Houston adds to their lead, 37-14.

Cards V. Bengals. Good game, starring two of the best young QB's in the game and two of the most explosive receivers ever. This one will come down to who has the toughest defense--the Bengals in my opinion. Plus, the Cincinnati Stripes have control of their playoff destiny--so they'll be playing in that all important pre-playoff mode. Bengals win a close one, 21-19.

Raiders V. Chiefs. I hope the Raiders are ready for a Romeo Crennel/Kyle Orton lead KC team that handled the unbeaten World Champs last week, this rivalry game against the Raiders will be their encore. I really hope the organization keep these two guys around next year, making Crennel the new HC and Orton the starter. Both these guys are likable underdogs who never get their due. The AFC West is the most confusing division ever and it will be even more confusing next year when the Chargers get a new head coach and Tebow will be the no argument starter in Denver. Chiefs win 21-19.

Giants V. Jets. The battle of Gotham has heavy playoff implications. Truth is, I kinda hate both these teams. I hate both head coaches for very different reasons (Rex because his halitosis smells of feet and Coughlin because he's old and he sucks). I know it is a hackneyed question, but is there a way they can both lose? Oh yeah, there is: 10-10 tie.

Chargers V. Lions. Lions can wrap up their first playoff appearance since we started using a 2 as the fist number of the calendar year with a win over the schizo-Chargers. The Chargers will continue down their current road of inconsistency and lose a close one, 21-19. Good luck in the playoffs, Lions--hope you play the 9ers again for the Handshake 2: Bay Area Beatdown. Let's hope it isn't scheduled for a night game--there's no telling what Jim Schwartz would do to Harbaugh with the lights out. The results could be...sexy.

Eagles V. Dallas. Andy Reid is safe now that the Eagles have shaken off the whole "Dream Team" moniker. Dallas can't seem to string two together. Eagles win the next two games and sneak away with the East, eantering the playoffs as one of those sneaky wild card teams that are dangerous. Eagles win, 21-19.

49ers V. Seahawks. Still can't believe the 9ers kept the Steelers out of the endzone. Sure, Big Ben was hurt, but it didn't make that win any less impressive. Now they head up to the Pacific Northwest on Christmas Eve to take on a resurgent Seattle team that is strangely still in the playoff picture. The Seahawks could win if the 9ers were set for the playoff, but unfortunately for the Hawks, San Francisco is still playing for a the first round bye. 9ers win, 21-19.

Bears V. Packers. Both my NBA team (Lakers) and my NFL team (Da Bears) are playing on Christmas this year, and I couldn't be less excited. The Lakers dropped both preseason games to the Clippers and the Bears are starting Josh McCown against the Packers who look to dominate their rival again for the 4th straight time in a calendar year. Can the Bears please fire Lovie after this game, this would the best Christmas present for the city of Chicago since Al Capone died. Bears lose, 52-3.

Falcons V. Saints. Drew Brees is playing out of his goddamned skull. He's on a mission to destroy the passing yards record set by Dan Marino in 1984. All he needs is 304 yards to break it--he'll do this in the first half against the Dirty Birds, who will upset the Saints in overtime, 21-19. LOL

End of Line.