Repeat after me...I am an assclown!
For example, Tim Tebow's height vs. heart ratio. How many times have you heard this statement or some variation of it: "Tim Tebow just doesn't have the size to be successful at this level. But he has the heart." One of the biggest issues in American sports journalism is this form of repetition. Yet another sports cliche--a world where cliche becomes rule. Instead of these "journalists" taking the time, turning off the games, putting down the latest issue of SI, they owe it to their readers/viewers to have fresh take or angle for them to ingest. But they don't and there are two reasons for this: a) they are lazy (both obvious and sad) and b) they don't know how to or feel intimidated to sculpt a unique opinion. Both of these reasons go hand-in-hand, like a rat swallowing its own wormy tail as it is hurled into a flaming Apocalypse.
Blasphemy!
My point is, the experts don't know shit. Tebow led the Broncos back from the dead in Miami yesterday. The experts were all patting themselves on the back at the Miami/Denver halftime. Tebow went 4-14 and 40 yards well into the 3rd when he woke up and exploded in the 4th, going 9-13, 121 yards and 2 tuds.
Putting the over in Overrated!
Meanwhile, media buttboy, Carson Palmer threw 3 ints in the second half of his game, scoring no points as the Raiders were blanked by the lowly Cheifs at home. In the media's collective mind, these outcomes were the exact opposite of the projected outcomes, further making sports media in this country almost as unreliable as political media. But, as Monday rolls around, no one fesses up. No one apologises to Tim Tebow's messianic fourth quarter numbers. These just gloss over it, replacing the controversy and lack of original opinion with what ever becomes the big story for next week. Bullets in the chamber----*FIRE*
- Super Bowl Rematches. An understated fact about the games yesterday was that two of them were rematches from two very recent Super Bowls, XLIII and XLIII, respectively. The outcomes were not so super: the Cardinals fell to the Steelers 32-20 and the hapless Indiana Colts fell 62-7 to Drew Brees and the high-flying Saints, tying the most points scored with a few other teams, post league merger. The Colts need to be put out to pasture. This Andrew Luck/Peyton Manning controversy is sizing up to be one of the most interesting stories for 2012.
- Philip Rivers. This is a perfect example of media turning on a player. One bad game against the Jets and he's thrown to the wolves. One year ago, he was the MVP of the young season. Short memories are another thing the media possesses. The Chargers are 4-2 and after the Raider meltdown against KC, they're still the team in the West. Keep Phil's anointing oil close by, the Chargers will BBQ KC next monday night.
- Detroit Lions. No longer will I drink the Detroit Kool-Aid, this team has issues. An injury prone QB, unstable defensive lineman who may or may not have intentionally taunted an injured Matt Ryan, and a coach who might be a bit neurotic. There are many chinks in this team's proverbial armor.
Detroit Kool-Aid would be a great bandname. - Colts/Rams/Phins. The battle of who cares less. It might be the Phins, who blew the lead in the fourth and ushered in the Kal-El era of Colorado local sports. It might be the Rams, who have lost their last two with a combined score of 58-10. But I gotta believe it is the crappy Colts--who lost epically to the Saints last night. The question remains though, will Peyton play in December to get his team out of the cellar and out of the Luck business? That is up there with that chick/egg quagmire.
- Christian Ponder. The smarty pants era has begun in Minnesota. Ponder has a Bachelors and a Masters, maintaining a 3.89 GPA while he attended Florida State. He's also working on another Masters degree in sports management while playing his rookie year. Someone has his eyes focused on a post-career, for once. Give him a couple years and he might be the next Aaron Rodgers. The NFC North is shaping up, QB wise, to be exciting for the next 10 years.
- Cam. Although, Daulton, to me is a better natural leader and will have more wins than Cam this year--Fig Newton is becoming the new NFL darling, taking over where pre-dog fighting Vick left off in 2005. The popcorn is burning up and Cam's stats are the kindling that will keep the fires of rookie of the year burning.
- The Rex Grossman Award...goes to Kyle Boller and Carson Palmer, combined they went 15/35 for 177 yards, and 6 Ints. Not the debut the Raiders wanted. Don't be surprised if Mr. Palmer does nothing but underwhelm us all for the rest of the year.
- Bears/Tampa. Oh, Joshy! Or as twitter friend "sexbiscuit" calls him, "Fantasy Football Hitler," you seem to be the biggest Jeckylhyde QB since Rex in his hay-day. In other news, Matt Forte is an elite back in this game and he gave those limeys a show. Just watch this:Key Matchups and predictions. (Boy, do the games suck this week--must be in the the thick of bye weeks.)
Vikes V. Camthers. Two rooks will try to out chuck each other in the beautiful, American South. Ponder looked promising, probably giving the world champs more of a fight than they were prepared for. He won't sneak up on Ron Rivera's defense this week. The Cam show is coming home, this weekend--his the new hope, the new truth. He and Steve Smith will be hurdling 3 rings this weekend, beating the poor Vikes by two tuds. 38-24
Lions V. Broncbows. Do you believe in the power of God? Tebow does. He's a natural miracle worker. Fuck the haters. I think he is the template of the new NFL Quarterback. A trouble-less christian who takes his vitamins and finds a way to win. He will find a way to win, handing the Lions their third loss and making analysts repeat the mantra, "After Tebow's second miracle, are the Lions burning in the foulest version of Hell, where amoebas fear to tread?" 23-17
Pats V. Steelers. Another AFC Classic. Pats will look sharp after bye week. Roethlisberger will look sharper than a Joe Jackson song. Welcome to the NFL, Chad Ochocinco. Steelers to the wire, 24-22.
Cowgirls V. Vickles. What to think here? Both coming off wins from pathetic teams (Rams/Skins--yes, the Skins are pathetic, as always when October ends). Both are QB'd by the dark horses in the media (one team's QB is casted as this rather fairly, the other is not. I'll let you guess which is which.) Let's just say my love of dogs is unparalleled by my hatred of gunslingers. The game has passed you by, old man. Eagles by 10. 21-11
Which Painter doesn't belong?
End of Line.10/27 Addendum:
"The Autumn wind is a pirate
Blustering in from sea
With a rollicking song he sweeps along
Swaggering boisterously.
His face is weatherbeaten
He wears a hooded sash
With a silver hat about his head
And a bristling black mustache
He growls as he storms the country
A villain big and bold
And the trees all shake and quiver and quake
As he robs them of their gold.
The Autumn wind is a Raider
Pillaging just for fun
He'll knock you 'round and upside down
And laugh when he's conquered and won."
Blustering in from sea
With a rollicking song he sweeps along
Swaggering boisterously.
His face is weatherbeaten
He wears a hooded sash
With a silver hat about his head
And a bristling black mustache
He growls as he storms the country
A villain big and bold
And the trees all shake and quiver and quake
As he robs them of their gold.
The Autumn wind is a Raider
Pillaging just for fun
He'll knock you 'round and upside down
And laugh when he's conquered and won."
- NFL Films President and co-founder Steve Sabol (son of founder Ed Sabol)
E.O.L.
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