Sunday, May 30, 2010


Spoiler Pirate says, "Thar be spoilers ahead..."The best network television program in existence ended last Sunday and boy, was it a doozy. As a regular consumer of the show since day 1, I can say, with all honesty, that the finale was as fully satisfying as I had hoped. Maybe even more so.

Were there problems and discrepancies in major and minor plot points. Yes. But the ending made me forget about all of them. Most of which are brilliantly pointed out here:

Instead, my analysis of Lost is more philosophical. We have to open up our minds to the fact that this little network show has not only reshaped the human parameters of limbo--it has also redefined death. What was amazing in the last episode was the moment when the characters realized what had happened to them. If memory serves, the first two to do this was Jin and Sun. When Juliet was talking to them about the baby and they flashed sideways to the island life, they both knew. In this brief twinge of enlightenment, they both smiled and spoke English. It was almost as if the two parallel versions of themselves converged and their lives "doubled" (part of Chuck Klosterman's theory) at that moment. There wasn't a hint of fear or confusion in their eyes (or any character's eyes after subsequent "doubling") which can only lead me to believe that the writers wanted to drive home the idea that fear of death is the only thing that stops human beings from breaking through to the other side.
A lot of people wanted answers about the death of the island dwellers. Did they die in the intial plane crash in episode 1? Did they die when Juliet hit the bomb? The answer, I feel, is not important. I feel that the Lost community, by and large, are uncreative thinkers who need the answers spelled out to them on a chalkboard. I blame Glen Beck. To me, I didn't really care when they died--I was just glad to know that they'll be okay in the end.The real reason we love this show is because of the characters--not the answer to all the loose ends. A finale that attempted to answer all of the questions raised in the above college humor video would have been absurd. The ambiguity of the show will live on in multiple re-watches and further intellectual juggling. The show will live on because of this fact too. The bloggers will reassess the show with sharper and learned eyes. The new theories and re-hashed conspiracies and dumb internet arguments won't slow down. In fact, I believe there will be renaissance of Lost poking and prodding now that we have the ultimate end in mind. This is why I want to teach the show's unique story arch in a future class. Quite frankly, this a show for the ages.
I compare the experience of watching Lost to that of one of my favorite movies, Donnie Darko. They have relative themes--too many to count really. They both have time travel, monsters, confusion, references to Watership Down and creepy old women that act as soothsayers. Since Lost began in the virginal Autumn of 2004, I have always thought it was a more layered and complex retelling of Donnie's journey. Turns out that my intuition was correct...sort of.The final fifteen minutes of the show didn't so much pull at my heartstrings s it yanked them out, tied the noose around my neck and did this mutherfucker in. Jack's conversation with his dad (Christian, lolz!) was the crux of what the show was going for the whole time. It was so simple and earnest that it had to make all the conspiracy theorists cry and then get angry at those tears because they still haven't explained the polar bears. The end, I think, was simplistic and that's what made it shocking. If I would have told you the show was going to end this way back in 2007, you would feel cheated, but somehow, this end didn't feel like a least to me it didn't.

Let me explain further, this ending exemplifies the way I
want life to be (or perhaps it is this way?? I just won't know until I mosey into my own personal bamboo forest with a Vincentesque facsimile.) This kind of simple death is what we all deserve. This is what I beleive the writer's final statement was. It wasn't about good v.s. bad or figuring out what the island is or isn't, it's about dying in peace and moving onto something even better. It all we really want when you boil it all down.

We shouldn't be asking why this is happening to them. We should be asking: when will this happen to us? Maybe it already is happening and LOST helped us all realize it collectively. And if it does that, this show is beyond the confines of television, pop culture or even human thought. This thing we call LOST is the answer we're all looking for...maybe. If it is the irony is in the title.

All we need to do is open our eyes... we can ultimately close them.

More Brilliance.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

The 70's summed up...

My Review of the new Stone Temple Pilots

"The Pilots are back," by college buddy Franz said as we popped in Shangri-La De Da the summer before the towers were hit. As coked-up as I was at the time, I didn't hear it. It sounded like No. 4 which was their worst album.

Over time, I have grown to like Shangri-La De Da. It's better than 4, but not by much. I spent most of the Aughties listening to the epic trilogy of Core, Purple and Tiny Music.

Scott did a lot of boozing and pussy houndin' w/ Mini Me in the lean years!!

Quick Playlist:
Big Empty
Big Bang Baby
Dancing Days
Ride the Cliché
Lounge Fly
And So I Know
Dead and Bloated

Almost 10 years later and the sixth album has dropped. Just in time for the Grunge Renaissance...I hope.

This is the alright playlist:
Dare if You Dare
Huckleberry Crumble (an Aerosmith cover??)
and yes, the lead single..Between the Lines

I refuse to talk about any of these songs because they really didn't move me (although Weiland is does great Cobainesque growl in "Lines.")

"...And in music. Stone Temple Pilots were on tour. They were great the first time I heard them, when they were called Pearl Jam." - David Spade on SNL's Hollywood Minute

Take a Load Off is the best STP song since Seven Cage Tigers. It's infectious and Grungy at the same time. The lyrics are topical and hopeful. Weiland is telling us to suck the Gov't tit and wait for a better day.

Hickory Dichotomy is Weiland doing his second best Bowie impression as Dean DeLeo treats his guitar to some country licks that tranform into dirty glam in the chorus. Lyrically, Scott takes a shit on modern tabloid media.

Cinnamon is the poppiest song that the Pilots have ever recorded. I get the feeling they wrote this for the Jonas crowd. I give it a pass because they only get bubble gummy once on this album. This is easily my least favorite song by them yet.

Evil Nazi Wieland at the height of his heroine addiction.

Hazy Days wipes it's ass with Cinnamon with a dirty rock-stopper that reflects on Wieland's daze of night. It's a standout and a potential single. Too bad they will prolly go with the shite bubble gum-of-a-previous-track for the next single.

Peacoat has the classic STP sound and is really the only track that allows for the music to take the spotlight as Weiland sulks behind them in the shadows, spinning around like a snakey Yogi. Best Dean DeLeo solo of the album.

Fast As I Can is a surprise. It sounds like a Stooges song. The Pilots have always been good for one of these kinda fast paced numbers on all the albums (Crackerman, Unglued, Paper Heart, MC5, Dumb Love).

Wieland does his best Bowie impression on the poorly titled First Kiss on Mars--daring us to "take a risk and listen to the radio."

Maver is the best song lyrically on the eponymous LP. I would love to hear STP challenge themselves on the next album and do more piano-driven songs because Maver is a beaut. This song is what Velvet Revolver's "Gravedigger" wishes what it could have been.

Maver with a lucky bonnet~She used to paint a flowers on it

Evil Wieland in the Plush video.

Overall, the 2010 album by Stone Temple is both a return to form and a departure for the classic rock band (yes, they are classic rock now, listen to your local station and time how long it takes for them to play Plush). If they never record again, I would be okay with this one being their last record. Who knows, if Wieland falls down the dark spiral again, maybe we'll look back on this eponymous effort with the same admiration and awe that we now look at LA Woman. Time will tell.
Purple onesie that my future son or daughter will be sporting in the Green Room.
STP at their stripped down best!

… And to you, dead and bloated nation of sleepwalkers, so content to drown in your own rancid apathy that your own minds and the minds of your children are being bought and sold on the auction block by swarthy old hogs – oh, set a place for the auctioneer, he’ll be coming to dinner tonight. No need to bother, honey, he’ll be coming live via satellite direct, right through your brand new motherfuckin’ super-mega-screen Home Monitor system…

Saturday, May 22, 2010


A special episode today dedicated to the best show on TV. Grad Skool Buddy Kent skypes in as we discuss the intricacies of the six-year-in-the-making plot. Strap in and get ready to go down a wormhole or two.

ipod Download Link:

Smoke 'em if you got them!

These dudes are keeping the light on...

A link to that blog I was talking about how the real threat in LOST, Darko and Neverending Story is nothingness...

Friday, May 21, 2010

Podcast: Dio Strikes Back

Today's podcast is thirty years in the making. I talk about Pac-Man, Ian Curtis's death and Empire Strikes Back. I also discuss topical things like Crazy Heart and the death of Metal legend, Ronnie James Dio. I feel like Desmond in Lost, I can transcend space time and your mind! Melouk!

ipod Download Link:

Best Movie Poster Ever!!
Dirty, rotten scoundrel with a heart of gold.

Pac-Man made by Neave Games

This Pac Ain't Wack!!!

Musical Guest: Tenacious D

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Are we all connected to serve our computer master?

A couple of youtube vids to chew on. The first is Bill Burr's internet conspiracy theory that is both fuggin' hilarious and entirely possible...

Number 2 is more metaphysical, but not unwholey related to the previous tube I sent you down.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Doublethink Chimera

I never write anymore...does Twitter count?

No?? maybe??

Work is the major culprit...I can simply not write when I'm caught up in the writing of others--it's a block, I'll admit. And it's discouraging because I feel like I built up these muscles in my brain in grad school only to have those muscles atrophy. Which is disturbing to me.

The economic downturn has taken up creative real estate in my head over the last couple of years...I am not alone here. I have this sense that the world is coming apart at the seams and I have no control. I never did. I never will. This is a hard thing to stare in the eye. Further atrophy ensues.

But the dreams never go away...

When I get to the end of a semester, my unconscious runs wild. But in dream, I am sad, because of the conscious reminder that the dream-scape is only temporary, call it's a doublethink chimera. My mind is so entrenched in this reality that the unreality of my mind refuses to surrender to the fantasy totally. This is my definition of adulthood.

I thought adulthood was going to be different. I thought that adults respected one another and that the workplace was one of efficiency and camaraderie. Call it false optimism, but I'm sure that you have observed the same thing. And this is getting worse. The economy has made this truth a blatant reality. A reality, I've decided I want no part of...

But what choice do I have? You have to pay taxes. You have to pay back students loans. We're all slaves to the thin-air numbers that are patrolled by men in suits who care even less about you than your co-workers do.

I saw Ridley Scott's Robin Hood last night. It was mediocre, a Gladiator in tights, but the message was a modern one. The King taxes the hell out of its citizenry to get the Monarchy out of a bankruptcy of its own making. Sound familiar?

At the end of the movie, Robin, Maid Marian, Little John, Friar Tuck and the rest move to the woods to start a self sufficient opperation that relies on the people that are part of that opperation. This pie-in-the-sky, Lenny and George livin' off the fat of the land optimism is exactly what the world needs right now.

It's called Dunbar's number, the rule of 150 people. As humans, we can't have a personal relationship with more than 150--they've done the math--we simply are not wired to interact beyond that number. I don't care how many Facebook friends you have. Most of those people you don't call anymore because of FB. That's a fact.

I've often had fantasies about getting all my super-creative friends together to collaborate on something awesome, but alas, I feel like I am fantasizing about tending to the rabbits.

The fact is, American life lends itself to the opposite of this. We're taught, at a certain point, that we must grow up--get married, get a job, have babies...blah, cliche, blah. Not to disparage any of these institutions, but they feel played out. They need to be reshaped for these confusing times we live in. I just think it is humorous that the adults that have stepped through that door of adulthood act more childish than I, the rookie. It makes one reevalute the hand that has been dealt.

Man's vision of Manifest Destinyhasn't exited that door marked "En Vogue," and I doubt it ever will. I'm keeping an eye out for that wooded area with streaming water, wild animals, and plentiful trees.

Even my job couldn't kill this dream. But it doesn't stop it from trying.

Who's coming with me?

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Podcast: When You're Strange...

In today's strange episode, I discuss frogs, centipedes, Jim Morrison, Boston Celtics, and ripping off Bill Burr. Enjoy!

ipod Download Link:

Dagobah Frog Habitat

We are all another playoff demise. See you in Miami, LBJ.

...When You're Strange...

Musical Guest: The Melvins