Saturday, May 15, 2010

Doublethink Chimera

I never write anymore...does Twitter count?

No?? maybe??

Work is the major culprit...I can simply not write when I'm caught up in the writing of others--it's a block, I'll admit. And it's discouraging because I feel like I built up these muscles in my brain in grad school only to have those muscles atrophy. Which is disturbing to me.

The economic downturn has taken up creative real estate in my head over the last couple of years...I am not alone here. I have this sense that the world is coming apart at the seams and I have no control. I never did. I never will. This is a hard thing to stare in the eye. Further atrophy ensues.

But the dreams never go away...

When I get to the end of a semester, my unconscious runs wild. But in dream, I am sad, because of the conscious reminder that the dream-scape is only temporary, call it's a doublethink chimera. My mind is so entrenched in this reality that the unreality of my mind refuses to surrender to the fantasy totally. This is my definition of adulthood.

I thought adulthood was going to be different. I thought that adults respected one another and that the workplace was one of efficiency and camaraderie. Call it false optimism, but I'm sure that you have observed the same thing. And this is getting worse. The economy has made this truth a blatant reality. A reality, I've decided I want no part of...

But what choice do I have? You have to pay taxes. You have to pay back students loans. We're all slaves to the thin-air numbers that are patrolled by men in suits who care even less about you than your co-workers do.

I saw Ridley Scott's Robin Hood last night. It was mediocre, a Gladiator in tights, but the message was a modern one. The King taxes the hell out of its citizenry to get the Monarchy out of a bankruptcy of its own making. Sound familiar?

At the end of the movie, Robin, Maid Marian, Little John, Friar Tuck and the rest move to the woods to start a self sufficient opperation that relies on the people that are part of that opperation. This pie-in-the-sky, Lenny and George livin' off the fat of the land optimism is exactly what the world needs right now.

It's called Dunbar's number, the rule of 150 people. As humans, we can't have a personal relationship with more than 150--they've done the math--we simply are not wired to interact beyond that number. I don't care how many Facebook friends you have. Most of those people you don't call anymore because of FB. That's a fact.

I've often had fantasies about getting all my super-creative friends together to collaborate on something awesome, but alas, I feel like I am fantasizing about tending to the rabbits.

The fact is, American life lends itself to the opposite of this. We're taught, at a certain point, that we must grow up--get married, get a job, have babies...blah, cliche, blah. Not to disparage any of these institutions, but they feel played out. They need to be reshaped for these confusing times we live in. I just think it is humorous that the adults that have stepped through that door of adulthood act more childish than I, the rookie. It makes one reevalute the hand that has been dealt.

Man's vision of Manifest Destinyhasn't exited that door marked "En Vogue," and I doubt it ever will. I'm keeping an eye out for that wooded area with streaming water, wild animals, and plentiful trees.

Even my job couldn't kill this dream. But it doesn't stop it from trying.

Who's coming with me?

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