Giving the Devil his Due when he’s Due up at the Plate

That dude, Christian Lopez, the Mensch that caught Derek Jeter’s 3000th hit and turned around and gave it back to Jeets right after the game, claiming “it wasn’t his to keep” got a bill from New York Tax Board for $22,000 for the taxation on the gifts that the Jeter and the Yankee organization gave him for his generosity. The greed in this country has hit an all time low. I cannot wait to wake up, some day in the near future to the smell of my own blossoming garden, wearing clothing that my girlfriend made for me, using my own urine to line my secured parameter so that the bunnies and deer don’t nibble on my corn. No electricity because the grid has shut down. Campfires were stories of video games, movies and internet memes are regaled. My shotgun under my pillow every sundown as hounds stand watch for the zombies on the horizon.

My point is, this tax shit has got to end. In the worst recession of my generation: lawyers, politicians and bankers continue to squeeze the proverbial blood out of the turnip that is we middle class. This Lopez dude, like many in my generation, is in debt up to his casaba melon of a head. He owes 150K in loans—just to have, Timothy “my-dick-is-smaller-than-quark” Geithner, hold out his hand with a shat-swallowing grimace, using the tax laws on the books to punish a good citizen, the toast of New York City, just 4 days after he ‘made’ the income he had taxed. These guys are reptilian Satanists devoid of souls, who eat babies for brunch and rape high-schoolers (mostly males) for sport. When the tide turns, you bet your ass we’ll be inserting a spit in their asses—human centipede style—and cooking them over the open flame for all to enjoy. But in the meantime, Derek Jeter should step up the plate as he did last Saturday, and give this dude the 22K he needs to pay off these vulturious hogs who hide in the shadows like the swarmy lumps of devil jism they are.

Update: Just read that Lopez was offered 50K for all the memorabilia that Jeter/Yanks gave him, cutting his debt down 1/3. Gotta love this country—150K in the hole just to become a mobile phone salesmen. So kids, the lesson is, if you have the once-in-a-lifetime chance to catch the 3000th hit of a baseball idol—you better do it at least 3 times to be square with these leprous hobgoblins in three-piece Armanis.

Now, where is my baseball mitt?

Fuck You,Man!