Monday, November 21, 2011

Week 11 Blog: Cup Runeth Over

Well, that sucks!

Jay Cutler might be done for the year, subsequently at the very moment I started to buy into my team after seeing them punch holes in the Charger defense like swiss cheese. I guess I'm bummed, but Cutler isn't the X-factor in the Bears offense anymore. That would be Forte.
"Enter Me"

But this is life, isn't it. As I was watching the game yesterday, I was trying to figure out the weak link in the team, now that the O-line has stepped up and given Cutler the the protection he deserves this year. I was seeing stars, I was seeing a Christmas pummeling of the rival Pack, I was seeing big wins on the road in postseason. I was seeing another pummeling, this time vengeful, of the Pack in the NFC championship. I was seeing a classic defensive show-down between the Bears and Ravens in Super Bowl what-ever-the-fuck-it-is, where Jay Cutler hits Dane Sanzenbacher in the chest for the only tud of the match, the game-winner. Now, all I see is a disappointment of mediocre proportions.

Since the beginning of the year, I declared I wasn't going to be emotionally invested in the Bears because I wanted Jeff Fisher to be the head coach, and unless they lose the remainder of their games in an epic maelstrom of shit, this coaching change will not happen. But, they aren't good enough without Cutler, cuz Caleb Hanie ain't no Jeff Hostetler.
"Yer goddamned right he ain't."

But what do you expect of a backup? They are designed to fail in most aspects, outside of Frank Reich and the aforementioned Hos. But Caleb Hanie was already fed to the wolves in last year's NFC championship and had a fairly decent outing against Rodgers and what would become the world champs. Maybe the rest of the season will be the maturation of a seasoned backup. Hell, even Urlacher today said he wated to see the Bears tear some pages out of the Broncos playbook and make Hanie the Windy City Tebow. But Lovie quickly squashed it and said it will be business as usual on offense. This is a typical thing for him to say, which is why I hate Lovie Smith so.
Lovie Sucks!

I just can't win. First, I pray for a 4-12 season where Lovie is canned after Thanksgiving and Fisher takes the reigns in 2012. Then, when a winning season is imminent, Cutler breaks a thumb and requires surgery, just as the Bears were really starting to look like a viable darkhorse. My prediction is that Hanie will go 4-2 down the stretch and lose to the Giants in wildcard weekend. No Fisher and no ring. Just when I really start to love 'em, they take a shit on my daydreams and shrug their shoulders at another sub-par season in the Midway. The glass is always half full of piss and the cup runeth over...

  • Dalton. Even though he lost another close one...barely, can we crown this kid already. I like Cam, but he has cooled remarkably in the last 4-5 weeks. Dalton has remained cool as a cucumber in another tight game against a Northern club. I don't think I have ever seen this much poise, confidence and durability in a rookie. It shouldn't happen this quickly, right? A rookie is supposed to take a couple of dud seasons in the shorts before he breaks out. Dalton defies logic and although the Bengals will come up just short of the postseason, they will still be in the mix when their heavy breath vapors from their helmets this holiday season. That in itself is a victory as long as this young man is taking snaps for the stripes.

  • AFC West. Who will win this division? Probably not the Chargers, but they still have a chance. Truth is, it's anybodies div to win, then lose in wildcard weekend. The only team I like from this division are the Broncs and that's just because of Tebow. Truth is, the West sucks in both divisions. Sure the Niners are an elite presence now, but how long until the other teams in their division step up and make it a race. Maybe football isn't supposed to be played on the ocean side of the Rockies. Maybe we're just a bunch of pussies over here with our warm temperatures, apathetic lives and shorts broken out in February. All I am saying is that these divisions will continue to be the step-children of the league until the Cardinals and Chiefs (taking the "Mid" outta Midwest) find some consistency. Until then, the suckiness will continue out here.
  • Cowboys. This team ain't gonna make the cut, not as long as Romo is under center. So get over it, Dallas fans. He ain't what you want him to be. He's an inconsistent gunslinger who wears a backwards hat everywhere. At this point can we start calling him the Fred Durst of the league?
    "Romo don't 'thrill' me either"
  • Lagarrette "Beast Mode" Blount.
  • Rob Gronkowski. Speaking of beast mode, the New England TE just scored his second tud tonight while landing vertically on his head and getting up afterwards. There are still men that play this game.
  • The Rex Grossman Award...goes to John Skelton in Arizona. 6/19 for 99 yards and 3 Ints. Pathetic. Skeletons have no business playing quarterback in the NFL, ever.
  • Vince Young. The dude can still play in this league as he illustrated last night, leading the game-winning charge downfield to upend the Giants at home. He was Tebow before Tebow was Tebow. He'll be a Brown or something stupid next year, even though I think he's better suited as Vick's backup, where he's almost guaranteed 3-4 starts a year. On a side note, how come I feel like we might see 32 durable franchise quarterbacks in the next few years? It isn't as farfetched as you might think.
What a widowmaker of a Thanksgiving coming up. This is the best trifecta since the league added the night game on its flagship network a few years back. If I lived my myself and had nowhere to go this Thanksgiving, I would wear caveman clothes, eat Disneyland turkey legz, listen to Slaughter's Fly to the Angels on loop, with all the games playing in the background on mute, next to the bonfire in my living room. But

Packers V. Lions.
This spooks my shit out. It looks like less of a Lion and more "crate-creature" in King/Romero's Creepshow. And, it's 70's lookin' too, which adds to the creepiness of anything really--this "Lion" looks like it was conceived in the Detroit municipal sewer system, on the hunt for young ladies in the area. This is the Packers first real game, but they win just the same. 34-35 OT

Miami V. Dallas. I like Moore. Not the Miami QB, but the name. It makes me of the English Moors, where a poor UK family bore Satan's twin wizards, Alan and Dudley--separated at birth. The Dolphins are on a hot streak with Reggie Bush, Brandon Marshall and a slew of nobodies. The ghost of Leon Lett in alive and well in new Texas Stadium. Fins come away, 21-17.
Epic Thanksgiving Ending, 11/25/93.

49ers V. Ravens. Wow! What a game this has potential to be. This 49er team appears to be a force to be reckoned with, but the elder Harbaugh has the upperhand at home. Ravens in a squeaker. 13-10

Bills V. Jets. The only reason I picked this one is because both teams are spiraling downward, yet one has to win. It won't be the Jets, as the Bills seal their fate this season. Manning might be a Jet next year. Is there enough room in Gotham for 2 Mannings? Yes, I believe there is. 22-17

Cardinals V. Rams. American Horror Story is better than The Walking Dead this season--geez, what happened to my once and future favorite show? Last season Dead was so Raven, but this season is so down on the farm. Does anybody who watches this show anymore worried about the missing girl? Me neither. AHS, on the other dismembered hand, is pure bliss. It took a couple eps to get into it (don't they all?), but I'm officially hooked on this little FX oddity.
American Horror Teenage Wasteland.

The story plays on classic horror and Gothic tropes, while not exactly saying what it is (A coven of lost ghosts? The devil's rebirth? A layered take on 21st century attitudes towards death?) I like that this show hasn't blown it's birth all over the audiences's face yet. It holds back. Modern television fantasy shows shouldn't come out and just say what it is from the get (i.e. Walking Dead), nor should it be needlessly ambiguous (Lost). AHS sits nicely between the spectrum of both shows. Please redeem yourself, Robert Kirkland.

Bears V. Raiders. I'm nervous. This will be a test of the EHS (Emergency Hanie System). Will it work? Can the defense stop Palmer and his new receiver weapons. At least McFadden is out. Oakland is a dirty little place to start your first NFL game. This is the trial by fire Hanie needs--to show the fanbase he has the goods to maintain games, rather than be the far-reaching hero. But there is a big possibility he could be the x-factor in this potential loss. But then I remind that
this is only a test.

Alice in Chains Puppets would stay the fuck away from this one...

Broncos V. Chargers. Tebow coming to socal--San Diego loves good little Christian boys who might be a little to twinky for their own good.

"Watch it!"
Maybe he can replace Rivers eventually, since Elway has made it clear that Tebow will not take his mantle away in Denver. The Tebow train keeps on rolling as the flakey fans in San Diego will actually root for him in the 4th as Rivers and Turner officially look towards what comes after this season. 27-14

Giants V. Saints. This has potential to be a good one, and it might if these respectable team's boredom cancels each other out. Giants pull it out, 33-24

Happy Autumnal Galliform Day, everyone.

The Book of Drewsus

End of Line.

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