Thursday, March 22, 2012

Era of Suck

Even in her offseason, the NFL has proven that she is a force to be reckoned with. It took a full 20 minutes of last night's Sportscenter to even get to the coverage of actual games last night as they recapped all the free agency and disciplinary action from the last 24 hours.

Saints ain't gonna have a home field Super Bowl this time around, as the hammer came down hard on Gregg Williams, Sean Payton and the Saints GM. Payton won't coach for the entirety of the 2012 Wayfarer and Williams is out indefinitely. Fuck! Where to start with this one....

Let's be clear, this is more about setting a precedent than anything else. The Saints ended up in the crosshairs of the league just as she was conveniently looking for a scapegoat/martyr to burn at the stake for the sins of contact football. This is more about safety than upholding the integrity of the game. This is also about the bottom line and litigation (ain't it always) and the avoidance of the latter in the future. But mark my words, once the smoke clears, this will be the NFL version of the steroid era in baseball, a strange middle period where everything that was on the hush at one moment, becomes a congressional hearing in the next.
"I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class, especially since I rule."

Football is becoming a lot like government, in that there are too many rules and not enough enforcers of said rules. When your rules start to define the game being played (i.e. taking away the physical contact of football or having Satanic-suckers-of-lobbyist-cock masquerade as public servants), what you are doing is changing the scope of the game to suit the needs of their overlords. The outcome is something new that is pretending to be the old thing, yet never acknowledges this change. This, to me, is the worst kind of lie. If the NFL were indeed a sociopathic woman, we would call her Madonna.

Not a coincidence that this succubus preformed at the last Super Bowl.

This is the ultimate example of "do as I say..." in the NFL. Does anyone else find it slightly ironic that Goodell handed down this harsh disciplinary action on the shoulders of a storied franchise for being lied to? Goodell is fundamentally changing how the game is played, on behalf of the owners, to protect their collective investment--the pawns of the gridiron.

My guess is that when the teams huddled up last summer for contract renegotiations during the infamous Lockout of '11, they talked heavily about the problem of ex-players filing suits against the league for compensation of medical and lifestyle treatments they needed in their older age. The NFL agreed to institute draft to grave coverage in medical costs, but the caveat was that they would need a reason to justify harsher penalties against defensive players. And you get the sudden demonizing of players such as DonkeyKong Suh and James Harrison laying down the hits they are paid good money to carry out.

The truth is, these type of bounty programs have been embedded in the culture of the sport since it dawned. When when I was in High School, we were given skull and crossbone stickers to put on our helmets as a reward for a key tackle or sack. Although it wasn't cash, it was still an incentive program (or a bounty program, if you want to demonize it.) But I don't understand why this is all of the sudden a bad thing. Because the league needs it to be a bad thing so that they can implement their new policies, rules and ultimately penalties for the very contact the sport is known for. It's called problem-reaction-solution. This is the NFL version of the Gulf of Tonkin...and I smell a rat.
Want some cheese, asshole?

I think the biggest blowback of this sudden Hitlerization of making hits and tackles will be injuries on the other end of the spectrum, because the last time I visaged, there weren't many offensive flags thrown because Heinz Ward or Lgarrette Blount turned on beast mode after the catch and pummeled some poor free safety who was pulling up a little bit because he didn't want a league fine. What then? It's the same problem, is it not? It's so fucking stupid the blatant hypocrisy of it all. When did the defense become the bad guy and why is there pity taken upon the man with the ball? I think what we are seeing is the residual effect of the collective remorse of adult jocks feeling sorry for themselves for winning so many games of "smear the queer" back in the day. And it's the game that is suffering the most. There's a storm a brewing ahead, my friends--and it will put a black eye on the sport we all love so much. Mark.

Okay, now on to the free agent highlights. Obviously ,I was super stoked about the Bears getting Brandon Marshall and I thank Peyton Manning and Marshall's penchant for smacking a bitch up for the reason the Bears got him so cheap (two third rounders). The only thing that worries me is that the Bears could start 2012 without Marshall (suspension from that faghag Goodell) and Forte (holdout)--leaving Cutler to piecemeal, once again, on offence (although he is becoming disturbingly used to this in Chicago). But, once they figure out how many millions to dole out to Forte and Marshall finishes his slap on the wrist, the Bears suddenly look deadly on both sides of the ball for the first time in my memory. Plus, they signed a couple ex-Raiders (Jason Campbell and Michael Bush) to backup Cutler and Forte, something they didn't have last year. I kinda like this Phil Emery guy, unlike Goodell, he approaches the game from a logical prospective.

Okay now on to Manning and Tebow. Mark my words, the Broncos now have a huge target on their back with Manning under center and it's not a given that he will be 100 percent next season. I predict a 9 win season, barely missing the playoffs because the Raiders pOwn the division like they have threatened in the last couple of years. Peyton Manning is playoff poison, so if they do get in the postseason, the usual suspects will devour the Broncos. One man does not equal a championship in any sport.
"The fuck you say?"

And young master Tebow has joined the circus that is the NY Jets. I really do hope that his faith grounds him, because the random strange that is going to be hurled at him in the Big Apple will be of the unbelievable variety. That being said, his virginity will walk a tightrope. But who knows, maybe it will be the edge he needs to win the job away from that pussyhound Sanchez. Either way, the Jets will suck again next year and miraculously, the NFL messiah won't be able to save the smoking 747 that is the New York Jet franchise, as it falls further into the abyss that is this era of suck.

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