Monday, September 12, 2011

Week 1 Blog - In the Beginning...

Another NFL kickoff is in the books and we learned a lot about this young season. But what we haven't learned yet is who is in the elite class--something we never know until after Halloween. This year is no different. What we do know is that there were a lot of quarterbacks in the leader boards that have no bussiness being there: Matt Stafford (118.9), Ryan Fitzpatrick (133.0, league leading), Rex-fucking-Grossman had a 110.5 pass rating and threw 0 interceptions. Rex Grossman, the star of one of the funniest demotivational posters I have ever laid eyes on:

Anyhow, I think the biggest thing we learned in this young season, on the heels of the potentially widow-making of the lockout, OFFENSE was huge. 752 total points combined of offense in week uno. I tried to find the leading stat, but I suck at finding such shit, so I'll go out on a limb and say that this opening day blew the the crepe paper open on the existing record and 2011 is going to go down as the season that the NFL finally matches Arena football in tuds...maybe.

I think this happened as a direct result of the lockout. There are so many new faces in offenses across the league Films don't exist on a lot of offences, because there are too many new looks. Plus, the players are fresh off a full spring and half summer off. Sure there were player practices, but playing scrimmage games against Ohio State doesn't match the practice facilities and resources these teams have at their disposal--their quintessential huggy-bookie. I think this fine, funky, fresh angle coupled with a lot of defensive question marks, plus the energy blast all the players got from 9/11 memorials was the reason this kickoff will be the one to compare all future kickoffs to.

Here are some things that stood out:
  • Injuries. Not as many injuries as the EXPERTS expected. Sure Beason is out for the year in Carolina. Stephen Jackson (injury prone much?) and Sam "Second-Coming" Bradford both left the game which allowed the dog rapist to run all over the Rams. A few bumps and bruises I say--but no huge marque guys went out. No Urlacher. No Brady. Sure you could say, "What about Manning?" Manning could have played week 1 in he had the surgery in February like a normal human--I'm talking Week 1 participants, not non-participating thong-waists.
  • Lights. Cam. Action. Cam Newton looked too-legit-to-quit in his NFL debut. 422 yards and 2 tuds. Carolina might be a sleeper, making the best division in the NFL even better and so much more interesting. Looking forward to all those division games, especially when Cam takes on Josh Freeman. These dudes have the potential of being the Brady-Manning of 2021.
  • Brady. Lights out against a pathetic Phins D. 517 yards and only 14 of those to Ochocinco? They have 18 more games to hook up before Brady holds another Lombardi over his crown, so get your popcorn ready. Wes Welker is back, ladies and germs, and that little white midget is gonna be doing a lot of that lightning-bolt, superhuman shit this season.
  • Detroit Lions. As Coach Parcells would say, "put away the anointing oil." They played good, but not great. Freeman almost brought the Bucs back at the end--don't go planning your post-season menu yet, Michigan.
  • The Rex Grossman Award...Goes to not Rex, surprisingly. I'll give it to McNabb. He sucks. The Vikings suck too.
  • Tony Romo. You suck too.
I hope you enjoyed week 1--it was awesome. Week 2 will be even better. Bears/Saints. Skins/Cards. Packers/Panthers. Chargers/Pats. Eagles/Falcons. Rams/Giants. Lots of 1-1 teams is my prediction.

End of Line.

  • 9/16 Addendum. My dad told me tonight that Sebastian Janikowski tied the feild goal record. I had tuned out of the NFL after the Patriots game. That's cool. I think he is capable of breaking it some day and he's on the right team, reckless enough to let him try in these days of conservative offensive in today's NFL. I never met the guy but I dated a girl rather seriously that partied with Janikowski his rookie year in Walnut Creek. she said she blew him in the bathroom. I thought this was kinda hot because I was 26 and kinda fucked up in the head. ANYWAYS, apparently he was a notorious drunk that got laid regularly from chicks who went to Stanford, St. Mary's and Cal Berserkly. Those woman will sell your soul to satan for a sanwich. The east girls are hip, I really dig the styles they wear."
You can stop right there David Lee.






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