Sunday, September 18, 2011

Week 2 Blog - Karma Kameleon

Week 2 in the books...almost. Who gives a shit about the Rams and Giants, neither will go to the playoffs, so covering the Monday Night game is moot. But week 2 looks a lot like week 1 from the offensive perspective. The Patriots continue to WOW. The Lions and Bills could meet in the Super Bowl. Rex Grossman is 2-0, compared to Kyle Orton and Jay Cutler's 1-1, placing him at the top of the "Bear Club" in the NFL. And Cam Newton will be the heir apparent to Michael Vick.


Yes, Ron Mexico himself. He's injured yet again. Then Mike Kafka came in and turned into a cockroach, orchestrating a loss that will not go down on Mexico's shoulders, who led the game before his brittle ass left in the 3rd. Let me go on the record, I like dogs and I like Vick. I can like two things independently of each other, even though to the layman, it appears that is contradictory. It's an evolved thought, deal with it.

ANYWHO, it was karma in action. The team that Vick left in his dog-fighting maylay wanted revenge in his first game back in Atlanta. He wasn't supposed to win this game. God even willed it in the third. I love dogs. I hate pit bulls.

And boy do the Patriots play flawlessly. The San Diego SuperChargers went back to skool in Foxboro today. On a side note--Ben Roethlisberger was victim to the "Tom Brady Rule" in the 2nd half of the Steelers-Seahawks game. He was okay, even came back in the game after fan favorite Charlie Batch came into the game (LOL--just kidding--everyone hates Charlie Batch). On another side note, the "Tuck Rule" could also be construed as the "Tom Brady Rule"--but Big Ben has never been one to tuck it away. See: Ben's penchant to rape.

Enough. Bullet Thoughts now.

  • Cam Newton. Still too legit to quit. Only Brady has more yards this year. The kid is here to stay. Watch out naysayers-who-say-nay to Heisman men just because it's sexy to do so.
  • Brady. Still killing it. Pats/Pack in the SB? More probable after today. Wouldn't be the first time that Brady and Co. usurped the reigning world champ, an offensive juggernaught from the NFC. The first time Brady did it, he beat the reigning world champ, an offensive juggernaught from the NFC. It all happens in cycles, ladies and jellyspoons.
  • Indianapolis Colts. It's like watching Steve Buscemi's limbs being put into a wood chipper, week in, week out. Who will succeed Jim Caldwell after he is fired in week 12? Bill Cowher? Gettin' too cushy in his analyst job with a flock of assholes on CBS. Jeff Fisher?No. He'll be the 2012 Chicago Bears chief. Gruden? Imagine the touchdown babies he would make with Peyton and Andrew Luck?
  • Bills/Raiders. Best game of a young 2011. That guy they call the Amish Rifle is legit. The Bills could beat the Pats this year. That Jackson guy is good too. My future brother-in-law says that all people that live in Buffalo are good for is digging. He might be right, the Bills dug a mass grave and threw Raider bones in it. Speaking of the Raiders, I tweeted a couple of weeks ago, the following: "With all the remakes these days, I would love to see Raiders of the Lost Ark remade. But instead of Nazis, the bad guys are the Oakland Raiders."
  • The Rex Grossman Award... goes to Luke McCown, the worst quarterback in the NFL. 59 yards passing/4 INTs. Why did Jax get rid of Gerrard? They might be the worst team in the NFL. That coach that looks like Al Gore who's name I forget at the moment is gonna be the defensive coordinator of the Chiefs next season. Luke McCown is all adam's apple.
  • Tony Romo. Nobody loves you. They just pretend.
So it goes, dudes and hoes. Pimpin' is a lot easier than previously thought and the NFL is continuing to bang and pop like Chinese firecrackers in a ghetto garbage can. I expect week 3 to be more of the same. But who will be standing after the smoke clears, it ain't even Fall yet, we have a long way to go until Brady lifts that Lombard over his cherubic head in Raymond James just before he and Jizzele book their flight for a Bora Bora Valentines getaway where Tommy will yell at her for not ordering her Starbucks fast enough. Only if chicks listened to you like a Tight End, eh Tom?

That only made sense to me.

End of Line.

9/22 Addendum: Deon Grant went down in that MNF game, I missed it. I apologize, but here is my official take. It is clear after watching the replay a half dozen times that Jacquian Williams takes a Vlade Divac-esque dive, and falls on Grant's feet and Grant stays on the ground. Sam Bradford has gone on record and said that he heard someone shout "go down" on the defensive side to slow down the no-huddle. Grant and the rest of the Giants organization vehemently deny this strange occurrence as a fake. But I don't buy it. If the Giants are going to do this kinda shit, at least respect the modern age of rewind and multiple angles by adding this to the weekly practice regiment. Maybe put Ric Flair and Bam Bam Bigalow on the payroll as special advisers, and they can teach these fools on the art of selling contact that looks and feels realistic. These guys break it down better than I can:


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