Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Week 3 Blog - Human After All

Week 3 down, my dear readers. Before I get into the games, I just wanted to talk, briefly about the brilliant NFL doc, Bill Belichick: A Football Life. It was something to see, the most ridiculed and reclusive head coach in the NFL actually act human. Not only that, we got to take a peak at his relationship with Brady, his coaching staff and his son, Stephen. We even get to see him shit talk up with Derrick Mason, telling the Ravens veteran to go fornicate himself in so many words. If you love the NFL, you will love this doc and you will see what is essentially the Darth Vader of the league take off his helmet for two hours and reflect on the reputation he has made for himself in his almost 40 years of coaching in the NFL.


Mike Vick continues to be the cry baby of the league after complaining that the refs didn't protect him in the Eagles loss to the Giants yesterday. He sustained a hand injury and he broke his vagina. Listen, Vick. You're only three years back since yer stint in the pen--maybe you shouldn't be falling into old habits. Next week, he'll get busted by putting his truth in a water bottle and the downward spiral will start again. The guy is hard. There's nothing he can do to save himself from himself. All we can do is watch. And wait...
  • Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Still my sleeper to get into the playoff picture and I think they will have a better record than the Falcons. Yeah, I said it. The Falcons might be in early season panic mode. They don't even look like a playoff team now, the Lions have their spot, tentatively.
  • Detroit Lions. Comeback kids. The Vikings looked good against them until they depended on McNabb to pull out a squeaker, something he absolutely sucks at (see: Super Bowl XXIX). Like the Bills, the Lions look like a team of destiny. But, we'll put away the anointing oil until at least Thanksgiving when they play the Pack for the first time this season. Finally, a Lions-Thanksgiving game to look forward to.
  • Brady. Looked mortal in a loss to the Bills (their first win against the Pats in 15 games--ouch). His numbers were decent, but 4 INTs gives the game away. And what about Ochocinco? Fantasy players are dropping him, no doubt, after he dropped a TD pass. Don't you dare count out these Pats, though. Sure their defense is atrocious and they don't seem to have any ground game worth mentioning. A healthy Brady and a cognizant Belichick is all this team needs to go deep in the postseason. Besides, name me one team that is better than the Pats in the AFC. The Ravens? Maybe. The Steelers? Took it to the wire against the one of the worst in Indianapolis. Bills? Let the season play out. Jets? Paper Tigers. Raiders? Gimme a break, watch Sunday. Brady gonna put on a clinic. Belichick hates losing two in a row.
  • Eagles. All hype. Might end up as the least in the East if they keep this up. Vince Young needs to get in there soon (or kill himself...). Kafka is sprouting antennas.
  • The Rex Grossman Award... goes to Andy Dalton. 157 yards passing, 2 INTs, no TuDs. I wonder if Mike Brown's index finger is hovering over the send button of a poetic, baby-come-back e-mail to Carson Palmer. Time will tell. Speaking of the Bengals, when does Marvin Lewis' tenure end. He's had more NFL lives than Wile E Coyote reincarnated as a cat.
  • Tony Romo. Who cares if you played injured. You are a footnote. An amoebae. A nothing master.
Games I'm looking forward to this week and some picks:

Detroit V. Dallas. I think the Lions are due for a bubble burst. Minnesota almost did it last week, and I think Dallas is capable of doing it this week. I like the Boys to win by a touchdown.

Pittsburgh V. Houston. Houston always comes out the gate strong and the Steelers don't. I like the Texans to win by a game-winning two point conversion. Yeah, you read that right.

Jets V. Ravens. Two ships are passing in the night on the legitness highway. The Ravens are heading towards the promisland, the Jets are heading towards a parking lot fist fight between Rex and Broadway Joe. I wonder if Suzie Colbert has a foot fetish? Ravens by 10 here.

Giants V. Cardinals. Cardinals are quietly good at home and almost always suck on the road. Giants just always suck. I like Kolb having a big day against a strong Giant front four. Cards by 4.

New England V. Oakland. Like I said , Brady will get his revenge on week 2 and Raider Nation will lament another bullshit, Brady-friendly call by a referee. Riots will ensue. Oakland burns ala San Francisco in 1906. The guy in the spiked Raider shoulder pads will be tried for arson.

Hypothetical Question of the Week: Who would win in a gang fight, 10 random members of Raider Nation or 10 Juggalos. Results will be released never because no one reads this and no one cares.

End of Line.

9/28 Addendum:
I forgot to write about that bullshit call in the Bears-Packers game during that fake punt return play. That is easily the best play of the year and it might end up the play of the season. A play that was phantom-ref'd. Seriously, what in the suck? Corey Graham was called for holding, tell me if you see him hold anything other than the entire Packer punt team's collective attention as Johnny Knox catches the ball up the sideline and returns the fucker for 6...sike.

The thing that sucks is that the Bears blew this play in an unwinnable game. They should have saved it, but for when. The kicker would have to kick it in the same direction--which, I suppose is an easy call when you have Hester, the best to ever return kicks in the NFL, next to you on the field. Does that mean that squibs will become routine, I'm okay with this because squibs give the Bears great field position after every kick off. This might be an advantage.

Please, Chicago, lose 12 this year. Please usher in the Jeff Fisher era in 2012. Please draft a new line. Please sign Andre Johnson next year. Please win a ring before Urlacher retires.

Holy shit. What a closer. Braves and Red Sox, gone. Rays and Cards, movin' on. Bodacious! I hope the Snakes and Fuckies lose in the first round so the red birds and the brew crew can square up in the NLCS. That is becoming the Midwest Sox-Yanks, Giants-Douchebags.

In the AL, Yanks-Rays in ALCS. Still like the sound of Brewers-Yanks. Yanks win again.


1 comment:

Punk Scott said...

I'm surprised that you would say such positive things about the Patriots (except Ochocinco, he could drown in a tank of MD 20/20 for all I care. I will provide).

I like the end of your paragraphs. Flynn would be proud.