Monday, October 17, 2011

Week 6 Blog: The Handshake

Aaron Rodgers may have unintentionally ushered in a new era in pro football. Or maybe we have the 2010 Packers locker room to blame for what happened at the end of the Lions-49ers contest in a seemingly unrelated way. Let me explain.

Put it here.
Last year sometime, Aaron Rodgers became obsessed with the idea of a championship belt. So much so, that his routine touchdown celebration is the fitting motion of where he believes a belt should befit his waist. Other teams have even emulated this celebration when they score a tud against the Pack, a knowing sign that your celebration has arrived. This is classic, WWF gesturing that has cycled its way back through history and on the NFL field. But it's not just Rodgers that is behaving this way. Packers star LB Clay Matthews embodies a similar gesture when he get a big tackle or sack. He starts out with a classic flexing of the gun show, then morphs into a Predator-esque squat.

Go ahead, boy, make booboo for daddy...

Even long-haired LB #2 for the Packers, A.J. Hawk has joined the ranks of old-school WWF gesturing but using the queen mother of them all in the Packers drubbing of the lowly Rams.

Birds of a feather, flock together.

All of these gestures, including Matthew's guest spot as a referee in an episode of WWE Smackdown and Rodgers sporting the belt on David Letterman, mean something. Smash/cut to sunday's extremely satisfying game between two upstart teams: the Lions of Detroit and the 1849ers of San Francisco. The thrilling duel come down to the final moments, as the Niners squeaked out a 25-19 victory. When the clock laid 4 goose eggs, rookie 49ers head coach Jim Harbaugh jumped and pranced serpentine on the field like a Natalie Portman having an identity crisis. When it came time to lock hands with loser Lions head coach, Jim Schwartz, Cap'n Comeback was a wee bit too exuberant, slapping Schwartz on the back. Then Schwartz had a few choice words for the Cap'n and Harbaugh got in his cheek, which was broken up fairly quick.

I see your Schwartz is as big as mine...
The moment that Schwartz decided to haphazardly go after Comeback is what I will dub the WWF moment. Schwartz didn't want to fight Harbaugh, I think he knows that Jimmy would take his ass down, being a former quarterback in the league know for his durability and toughness--but he made a great fucking spectacle of himself as he circled the crowd that had manifested around Harbaugh and even stamped his foot on the ground, to show how mad as hell he was. Is this kind of behavior good for football? Maybe. I propose that the entire field be lined with posts and ropes, thus allowing the free safety in the prevent to smash any receiver with the ball in the helmet with the people's elbow. And if this does happen, we'll all look at Rodgers and the Linebackers with manes of gold as the tipping point in 2010. Bullets with butterfly wingz...

  • Green Bay. Speaking of those wrestling-obsessed devils in 1929 throwback gear, they still look unbeatable. Rodgers might have decrowned Brady as the best quarterback in the league--maybe. I sure pray we see those skinhuckers square off in the squared circle in Lucas Oil come February. Get yer popcorn ready.
  • Sean Payton. Poor sonofabitch tore his MCL in a collision and loss to the Bucs who bounced back nicely this week to take sole possession of the South. Not sure what to think of the Saints this year. They aren't in the same league as the Pack, in fact none in the NFC are--sorry Lions, Niners--you'll make a good case in the playoffs (what about Harbaugh/Schwartz II in a divisional game??)--but the Pack, barring injuries, seem to be on a quest to become the next NFL dynasty. They just might have to beat the last dynasty to do it. developing...
  • Tebow. He's (second?) coming this weekend, Miami.
  • Devin Hester. Why in the hell does any team in the Union still kick to this dude? He hadn't returned a kickoff for a tud since 2007, so thanks for that Vikings. Maybe this guy slapped some sense in him. I think he is finally showing his potential as a receiver and he still is deadly in the return game. He might be a #1 wide out yet. His anointing oil has a shelf life, though.
  • Donovan McNabb. This is the end, my friend. This is two years consecutively that my Bears have knocked two future hall-of-fame quarterbacks in Viking uniforms out of the game for (potentially) good. McNabb's Farve moment came when his moms exited the game in the third, before his benching, never to return. Hopefully, the McNabbs invested some of that chunky soup money in G. Gordon Liddy gold.
  • Andy Daulton/Bengals. Quietly 4-2. Daulton doesn't have the flash and arm that Cam does, but he has a better record in the black and blue of the AFC. Seems as if the media of late has been focusing too much on the Lion/49ers/Bills/Redskins as the primary resurgent teams this year. The Bengals could easily match up to all these teams and beat 'em all. Daulton is progressing nicely, don't be surprised if this dark horse doesn't steal the rookie crown from Cam come December.
  • The Rex Grossman Award... goes to...Rex. 9/22, 143 yards and 4 Ints in week six after a bye week sounds right for my favorite quarterback with an oedipal complex. Shanahan gave Bad Rex the hook and put in mediocre John Beck who scored the Skins only tud.
  • Tampa/Orleans. This game would have had a different outcome if Patton was still on the sideline. Not only is he the primary play caller, but his motivational skills as coach is unrivaled by most coaches in the league. You take him out of the equation, and you see this result. P.S. I love Joshy again.
  • Tony Romo.

Key Matchups and predictions.

Super-Chargers V. JustEndTheSeason. Is there any way they can both lose? Ah yes, a tie. That's how this one will end, even if Donovan McNabb doesn't know the concept exists. 13-13

Toros V. Oilers. Still have hope that the Titans can win their division, now that the Colts sucks. The Toros stand in their way, but they are kinda half-assed about it as usual. This will be a statement game for Hasselbeck and CJ2K and I think they will deliver. I like the Titans to come away big at home, 35-14.

Da Bears V. Buccos. It's the battle of the mediocre between old divisional rivals in jolly 'ol England, govenah. This one will come down to the QB play. Cutler and Freeman, although inconsistent, are playing at high levels this year. The Bears will have the lead in the 4th, but will squander it (as they are apt to do) as Joshy and the Bucs celebrate a game-winning field goal in OT.

Dirty Birds V. Lyings. After week 2, this looked like a marque matchup, now...not so much. Lions need to win this one, to show the league that they can bounce back like good teams (see: Pats, Steelers) and not fall into the familiar pattern Michigan is used to seeing. I will officially write off Matty Ice and the Falcons if they lose this game. Then, this team is officially a threat to my Jeff Fisher cream dream. Lions by a tud.

All the rest of the games suck this week! Another bad week for the night games. Colts@Saints/Ravens@Jags. Yeech!

End of Line.

9/20 Addendum

I'm not sure what shocked me more this week, Kadafi's execution in Sirte today or the addition of Carson Palmer to the Oakland Raiders line-up Tuesday. I can honestly say I was over the Kadafi thing in about 20 minutes, but I'm still haunted by the decision the Raiders made to dig the Palmer fossil out of the Le Brea tar pits and hooked him up north to the second city by the bay. Will this work? Maybe, but I think Kyle Boller should be the Raiders QB until the Chargers game on 11/10. This would give Palmer 20 days to prep while the Raiders, at the very least go 1-1 against rivals Chiefs/Broncos--two games that bookend a bye week. That is minimal time, if you ask muah. The rumor has it though, he's starting against the Chiefs. This is a colossal error on Young Master Mark Davis and head coach Hue Jackson's behalf.

Win one for the Skipper!
I'm not too keen on the Raiders, but now that Al is gone, it feels like a fresh start for the silver and black. They feel like a team of destiny. But I think that this Palmer thing might make or break this destiny. I just think throwing him at the Cheifs when last sunday he was watching Jim Schwartz scream at Harbaugh in his boxers, sleeping on a pile of coeds is a mistake.

Good luck, 2011 Raiders, yer gonna need it.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...


You really thing Schwarty woulda gotten his teeth kicked in by the "Cap'n?? Methinks Schwartzy's rage and defensive pedigree would've smashed Cap'n into the turf harder than Tim Harris or Bryce Paup on a frigid Soldier Field eve. Either way, I LOVE the fact that it happened and how everybody acted like it was such a big fucking deal- when it wasn't. That game was GREAT, I watched the entire thing and do you know what got overshadowed the most? Alex Smith's progression into a servicable NFL QB- he doesn't get rattled anymore. Man, does that make Singletary look dumb.

Great blog. You really think Hester still has chops to be #1 WR??? Cutler is playing at an EXTREMELY high level that elevates his offense, not superstar, but like a young Alex English or perhaps Larry Walker.