Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Why is it that we never say the thing we truly want to?
Fear of rejection? Fear of losing the ones we love with out biting words with razor sharp vampire teeth. I run into this wall a lot. I usually talk myself into keeping the words to myself, then maybe I can evaluate the feelings behind them and get at my core being. Not saying it's the best way to go through life, but I've been this way since I can remember...so why change now.
To the risk of sounding like Adrianne Curry, I'll stop with the unspecific banality of words throw together into a confusing scope of trivializations. My blog is better than that.
Anyhow, I went to 3R today with the 'rents and watched mallard ducks tussle in one of those three rivers. Three Rivers is where my roommate hales from and and she claims to want to go back some day. I am starting to see what she has always seen growing up there. It is a truly unique and beautiful place--one of the central valley's best kept secrets. I'm thinking of buying a house there after I make my first million. Not to live, but to escape the bs. I need that some days and it would be awesome to have a place of familiarity to return to to be one with nature and revisit the core of my being my soul yearns for. I know that sounds like hippy shat, but who cares. I always told my friends Shannon that I am a neo-hippy (ie one that baths and has a job).
All I know is that I miss things in my life...certain tangibles that have made me happy that have been absent the last few years. And now that the curtain of grad skool is lifting (my last month)--I am finally at a point in my life where I can make those tangible things happen. And if I do it alone, so be it.
Note: Parents are bickering about plans to Omaha this summer. Things are about to get weird.